Bob/PKB
Speaking of stoopid questions.....
Let's say there is a stupid question contest and the stupidest question wins a fabulous prize. What would be your stupid question? Please no controversial or highly personal stuff, and let's not copy a question we've come across here.
This may be difficult for the "regulars" in my Q/A World; they are all very intelligent.
Hope you all can have some fun with this. FEEL FREE TO TRY TO ANSWER SOME OF THE DRIVEL. COMING UP WITH SEVERAL CLEVER ANSWERS TO THESE STOOPID QUESTIONS ALL AT ONCE TAKES SOME DOING!
What is the prize?
The prize is a gigantic gold trophy of "The Thinker" sitting atop a marble base. A perpetual trophy, it will have a placard inscribed: "Grand Champion, akaQA Stoopid Question Winner" and placards with the winner's name and year won can be added. The winner gets to keep the trophy at his/her home until the next year's contest. The trophy is given at the annual akaQA awards, and the winner is determined by the home audience. The banquet will be held in Australia because there are so many Aussies and it gives me a good reason to vacation there. I wouldn't miss the banquet and meeting everyone for all the tea in China!
36 Answers (1-30 Displayed)
michmar118
Best answer!
"I need cash. Can I turn my credit card bill in and get the money back?" WHAT??! Actual question asked to me at my workplace!
| 12 years ago. Rating: 14 | |
Yes of course you can turn your credit card bill in and get the money back....noooo problemoooooo.
1-800-354-9800 ext.8978 Ask for Martha
1-800-354-9800 ext.8978 Ask for Martha
This leaves me completely speechless, and thereby earns the Best Answer.
Speechless.....absolutely speechless.....but fish girl, you are on a roll....
This is the Mount Everest of stoopidity.
Speechless.....absolutely speechless.....but fish girl, you are on a roll....
This is the Mount Everest of stoopidity.
daren1
does this shirt come in an extra medium ?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 26 | |
The red tuxedo style are available in double extra small large and the black tuxedo style have the bonus size of double extra large reverse.
kimba
friendindeed
If I am in a plane flying at the speed of a bullit and I shoot my gun will the bullit leave the gun?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 24 | |
The bullit will leave the gun but sit down in the passenger seat to enjoy the ride and hospitality.
chelleanne
country bumpkin
Do these pants make my Butt look Big?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 23 | |
Certainly not. Your butt makes the pants look small! About 2 sizes too small!!!
(Not YOUR butt or YOUR pants, of course, CB :D )
(Not YOUR butt or YOUR pants, of course, CB :D )
As a person who has worked in retail for 30 years, I feel qualified to answer this question in the appropriate fashion..."no".
No, they give me tunnel vision and draw me nearer which them makes your.....Woh! Look over there!
pythonlover
jhharlan
What time is it where I live?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 22 | |
Last time I checked, it was half past a quarter til the third of an hour, but that was several nanoseconds ago.
FISH-O
Do the answers have to make sense or can they be equally idiotic!???! :D
By the way, this is fun.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 22 | |
Have at it, fish girl. I'm expecting your answers to be hilarious!
This IS fun. Serious is overrated.
This IS fun. Serious is overrated.
Hi fish girl, tell me, you seem very knowledgeable about fleas and I was wondering if you know the average size of a fleas you know what, if indeed they can boast of one.
Look? Look at what? Pamela?!!!! Man she is scary in red! And so small! Put some clothes on Woman!!!!!
Tommyh
How can I snip my nose hair without sneezing?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 22 | |
Snip between the sneezes that way you aren't sneezing when you are snipping. .... wait for it, wait for it, wait for it...SNIP! It's all about timing.
I,ve got some real good friends with me who say they could solve your problem but they would have to start from inside out. OK?
Exhale forcefully just after each snip and try not to touch the nasal wall as this will set off the sensor and your nose will glow bright red !
TSC
Jenn
west-bus
What is the average weight of a flea?
To be a bee or not to be a bee? That is the real question.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 20 | |
The ones at the flea circus are weighed regularly. There are strict weight and height guidelines, much like for an army of ants.
Do they have any defining charachteristics so I can tell them apart and perhaps give them names?
Of course they do! They wear little satin shirts in size extra medium. They have numbers on them, just like a sports team uniform. They are all named "Sammy", so you have to go by the numbers.
To Bob. Thank you for confirming this. When I first came to this site this was one of the first questions I posted. Colleen had the cheek to ask me if I am nuts, really, I ask you!
NUTS? No way, but these fleas of mine only have shorts on and not one of them is answering to Sammy.
to Romos: You are dealing with imposters. They are most likely tics. You need to get out of there, fast! Your life is in danger.
to west-bus: Your question is valid. The main difficulty in answering adequately is the variations in flea-weight because of their activity. A dog on a flea will weigh more than a flea in the carpet....the carpet isn't much of a food source and the dog is all-you-can-eat!
to west-bus: Your question is valid. The main difficulty in answering adequately is the variations in flea-weight because of their activity. A dog on a flea will weigh more than a flea in the carpet....the carpet isn't much of a food source and the dog is all-you-can-eat!
ToBob/PKB I don,t think they,re tics, the big one [Ithink he,s the leader]asked where my dog was.
ToBob/PKB I don,t think they,re tics, the big one [Ithink he,s the leader]asked where my dog was.
Romos: This is worse than I thought. If they are communicating with you, they are aliens. Again, you need to get out of there, fast. If they want the dog, give them the dog!!! These creatures are not to be messed with, believe me.
Bob/PKB,I live in a 3rd floor flat,my main door seems to be jammed,and i,m quite getting to like the big guy,he seems ok to me,and can hold a good conversation for one so small,not too sure about the rest of his family though.
According to the National Flea Council of Albania-Africa and the Southern United States of America the average adult flea weighs between 227 and 245 flea pounds*.
*Please note: Flea pounds cannot be confused with those pounds used by the National World Council of Mammals and Fish. (Especially Fish)
I can't believe you guys didn't Google this! Phht!
*Please note: Flea pounds cannot be confused with those pounds used by the National World Council of Mammals and Fish. (Especially Fish)
I can't believe you guys didn't Google this! Phht!
How many ounces in a flea pound, the big ones still sucking,it,s the only way i can keep him quiet now.
First of all, great minds don't need to Google anything! They make it up as they go (like Indiana Jones). ROMOS: I'm not going to warn you anymore. You are in the frying pan. The big guy IS the leader, he IS a good conversationalist (remember the Pug in MIB), and all that sucking is going to be food for that questionable family you are playing host to (in more ways than one). The only way out now is through the window. Tough break about being on the 3rd floor. Tuck and roll.
There are 17 flea ounces in a flea pound. There are no half pounds... fleas round up. Fish used this system of measurement for centuries. It is only since 1877 the National Fish Council almalgamated due to pressure applied by all other World Councils as it was noted that Fish have a tendency to exaggerate.
Bob/PKBl,Ican,t jump,windows child locked, anyway,the dogs back,big guy less interested in me now,but I think his wife and daughter are making eyes at me,should I chat?
West-bus;
Fleas do boast of one John H Fleaster the Meester. Now that is some kind of flea! Swoon-o-rama.
Fleas measure differently as well. John H Fleaster the Meester.... Seven feet, Four inches... Oh my goodness!... That is something when the average (whisper, personal body part for males fleas) is Five feet, Nineteen inches and a 26th.
Yes, I know... sad and true.
Poor poor average male flea.
Woot! John H Fleaster the Meester!
Fleas do boast of one John H Fleaster the Meester. Now that is some kind of flea! Swoon-o-rama.
Fleas measure differently as well. John H Fleaster the Meester.... Seven feet, Four inches... Oh my goodness!... That is something when the average (whisper, personal body part for males fleas) is Five feet, Nineteen inches and a 26th.
Yes, I know... sad and true.
Poor poor average male flea.
Woot! John H Fleaster the Meester!
ROMOS: You will be lucky to make it to Sunday. If you can get to your phone, dial 911. This is becoming a SWAT situation. Try to get the leader onto the dog, lead the dog into the bathroom and stuff him in the shower. Aliens melt like the wicked witch of the west, but they are crafty if in the open. Once on a dog, they tend to become absorbed with hiking. The wife and kids are mostly harmless. If you have some root beer, put a little in a dish and they will leave you alone. Try to remain calm....if they sense fear, you're toast.
911? I live in Scotland, have you expererienced the Polis here,999 doesn,t work , anyway I really like the daughter and the dogs stopped scratching,I think I,m going to be protected,at least i think that,s what she meant.
Pssst... Bob and Romos... Fleas are now a protected natural resource (flea power) in Canada, United States of America, Mexico, Scotland, Ireland and Wales...Harming any flea will land you in hot water without a paddle and canoe... OH SHOOT! IT'S GREENPEACE! I AM OUT OF HERE! AAAAAUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH! PPPPEEEEEETTTTTTAAAAAAA!
Ooh Pamela Anderson does not look the same in real life.
Ooh Pamela Anderson does not look the same in real life.
I knew this was getting out of hand. Now fish girl has gone missing and Pamela Anderson is on the loose.
Aliens in Scotland are the most dangerous kind. They are aware of the polis 999 problem. Having infiltrated your home, they have intoxicated you with their pheremones, lulling you into believing your are safe. The next several hours are critical. Under no circumstances whatsoever are you to remove your shoes & sox and scratch your feet.
If you can make it to morning, you should survive. Their lifespans are limited. Without access to toe-jam, 24 hours earth-time is like 150 years to us. Keep me posted.
Aliens in Scotland are the most dangerous kind. They are aware of the polis 999 problem. Having infiltrated your home, they have intoxicated you with their pheremones, lulling you into believing your are safe. The next several hours are critical. Under no circumstances whatsoever are you to remove your shoes & sox and scratch your feet.
If you can make it to morning, you should survive. Their lifespans are limited. Without access to toe-jam, 24 hours earth-time is like 150 years to us. Keep me posted.
Ok then Bob,going to bed( ground)but it,s those eyes it,s really hard to resist you know,she,s looking at me that way again, aaargh!!!
Made it through till morning,alone,no dogs no fleas,is it possible they,ve eaten each other and disappeared into some kind of black hole.Peace at last, BLISS!!
ROMOS: Count yourself among the few, the proud, the survivors of an alien invasion. If the dog reappears, bathe him/her immediately. Then all should be well.
I believe the next attack will be somewhere near western Canada. My sources are reliable.
Your door is opening easily now, isn't it? Verrry interesting.
I believe the next attack will be somewhere near western Canada. My sources are reliable.
Your door is opening easily now, isn't it? Verrry interesting.
Attention Attention.... The Pearl is in the Liver...I repeat... The Pearl is in the Liver!!
Over and out... Pamela is still lurking.
Over and out... Pamela is still lurking.
The mass of a flea is around about 4000-5000 mP, which means it comes to between 0.08704g and 0.1088g. What made you thing your question was stoopid?
winfia
What is the shortest distance between two points?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 20 | |
Quite a rhetorical query, my dear. One presumes that to be a straight line, as the crow flies.
I'm so ashamed. Distance questions are always so difficult for me, especially the point a to point b ones. I mean, is there an ocean between them? Are there rats, or spiders, or snakes on the most direct path? What about dragons and centaurs!!! You HAVE to take the long route if they pose a threat. Next thing you know, you are in a forest facing a gingerbread house with a candy-covered roof and lollipop flower garden. It makes me shiver just to think of it.
Can't talk now; undercover assignment investigating allegations of cruelty to fleas. Reports of dogs and cats scratching at them with their claws.
Sigh... that Pamela... she gets the National Flea Association riled right up this time of year. This will go on for months.
Great answer valR!!! It is the distance that is not longer than any other distance, i.e., the shortest distance!! Best Answer!!
sawali
bob, why did you ask this stupid question?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 19 | |
The "recent unanswered questions" have been uninteresting to me, and I've answered almost all of the recycling ones. I hit the categories and find repeats (need to check different categories). These questions are stoopid, but they're not obscene, and it's fun to try to come up with a smart-ass answer to them. Our friends have generated a dozen new questions in just a few hours. It's gourmet!
now that's a great answer-no room for stupidity.
I agree with you since it is hard to find genuine inteligent questions. Questions like what's the time now go beyond stupidity and should be bounced back to their brain.
I agree with you since it is hard to find genuine inteligent questions. Questions like what's the time now go beyond stupidity and should be bounced back to their brain.
There actually is a Universal "No Stoopid Question" Society located in Up State New York.
https://www.wearebrilliant.ca
https://www.wearebrilliant.ca
fishgirl, this society also works on no stupid questios but atleast logical. What can they do with a question like - what's my name?
There was a Universal Law passed last May which states:
UL190KL7KLM dated May 02, 2010
There is no longer logic permitted to take place in any shape or form on, in or around any piece of land, water or air of this fair Planet Earth.
Everyone signed... Al Gore even signed twice. (He was that enthusiastic)
UL190KL7KLM dated May 02, 2010
There is no longer logic permitted to take place in any shape or form on, in or around any piece of land, water or air of this fair Planet Earth.
Everyone signed... Al Gore even signed twice. (He was that enthusiastic)
fishgirl, where illogical things are permitted,reason nhas no place- pity! then of course stupidity will thrive and we will be the beneficiaries. Bob, talk about freedom of speech and expression- you will continue to shiver. Frankly fishgirl, are you in that no logic camp?
Is our direction right?
Is our direction right?
Sawali, Hello from Beautiful British Columbia...It is raining today and it has been so windy that the ferries can not sail. My house is turned upside down because of home renovations that began as a gift and now have ballooned into something far out of control. I have two art shows coming up in the next two weeks and my last firing was only 50% successful as it can be difficult to control every single teeny tiny variable in the world of glazing and heat work. I now have the biggest bisque firing in my kiln that I have ever managed to cram inside, as I have had to work like a complete crazy woman to make up for my disasters... on top of all that, I agreed to another show and so half of my stock is out of town and can't come back to me because of the ferry situation. I will be pulling all nighters next week in order to make my deadlines and I have a 2 year old son who shows no mercy once he is awake.
I am as logical as the day is long... this question of Bob's was a wonderful way to relax and have a bit of fun. Thanks Bob!
I am as logical as the day is long... this question of Bob's was a wonderful way to relax and have a bit of fun. Thanks Bob!
fishgirl, you are lucky to get renovation gift- must have good friends or relatives. I am busy putting together a safari to Tanzania for a family. Well explained your logic!
wonderer
why do i need a hot water heater?........hot water doesn't need heating
| 12 years ago. Rating: 18 | |
In 1913 the United States of American Government and the United States of American Super Efficiant Taxation Upon Taxation Department-10g decided that there needed to be a way of extracting more money out of natural resources such as the Hot Water River and Spring System (America and Canada) Departments*Underground-15S149 service code4848Mk8.
After eighteen months of negotiations and meetings with seven and one half panels of experts the United States Government put into place The Department of Hot Water Heating and Cooling(If need be)- 77OP9.
That particular decision is why white lines (not the yellow ones) are painted on highways and roads throughout The United States of America with such care and precision.
The program went according to original plan and has created jobs for men and women in the hot water, white line painting and taxation departments throughout The United States of America.
When you travel to foreign countries pay close attention to road and highway dividing lines (white only)... you will quickly discover which countries are taking advantage of this particular natural resource.
After eighteen months of negotiations and meetings with seven and one half panels of experts the United States Government put into place The Department of Hot Water Heating and Cooling(If need be)- 77OP9.
That particular decision is why white lines (not the yellow ones) are painted on highways and roads throughout The United States of America with such care and precision.
The program went according to original plan and has created jobs for men and women in the hot water, white line painting and taxation departments throughout The United States of America.
When you travel to foreign countries pay close attention to road and highway dividing lines (white only)... you will quickly discover which countries are taking advantage of this particular natural resource.
For information on the "Yellow Lines of The United States of America sub-section Canada=Mgh*982A" go to https://www.naturallightandblue.ca
little janey
Two blonds walked into a bar, why did they BOTH not see it?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 18 | |
They were in Rome. It was very late at night. They had just gotten out of the cab and they were wearing Gucci sunglasses not Guess sunglasses... so obvious! Like seriously! :)
"The Blonde leading the Blonde" was actually an officially coined phrase in February 1943. The phrase "The Blind leading the Blind" became an official coined phrase in March of 1947.
For more information go to The Website of "Universal Offical Coined Phrases in Twenty Nine Languages", Frankfurt, Germany https://www.frankenburgerlanguageandphrase.com
For more information go to The Website of "Universal Offical Coined Phrases in Twenty Nine Languages", Frankfurt, Germany https://www.frankenburgerlanguageandphrase.com
valR
Where time was it now when you are not there were?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 17 | |
That time in the sink when Albert was singing and Murray was playing guitar when the dog was dancing and Eddie found Vedder.
In some parts of the world they say "Its 9 o'clock, do you know where your children are at?".......In other places they say "Its 9 o'clock, do you know where your husband/wife is ?".........In some places they say "Its 9 o'clock, do you know what time it is?"
| 12 years ago. Rating: 17 | |
This is true.
You can find these very words on the website of "Universal Official Coined Phrases in Twenty Nine Languages", Frankfurt, Germany.
https://www.frankeburgerlanguageandphrase.com
You can find these very words on the website of "Universal Official Coined Phrases in Twenty Nine Languages", Frankfurt, Germany.
https://www.frankeburgerlanguageandphrase.com
figtree3
Since the world used to be flat, were the days longer or shorter when they made the world turn round?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 17 | |
Big people got on either end and shook to make time wiggle when need be. That is why Saskatchewan always remains the same... too flat to wiggle.
Headless Man
Yes, uh uh I mean no.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 16 | |
That is not a question! That is a stoopid answer. You get karma points for out-stoopiding stoopid! Congratulations.
Your name has been submitted for the prize.
Your name has been submitted for the prize.
Dollybird
... and in some places they say, "What is an o'clock."
| 12 years ago. Rating: 16 | |
....an o'clock is the same as an o'watch.
Remember, we talked about that last week over an o'coffee. You know, with June and her cat, Freddie o'Mercury.
Remember, we talked about that last week over an o'coffee. You know, with June and her cat, Freddie o'Mercury.
The O'Clock is an Irish family name. They were a good family, except for Midnight and Noon O'Clock's children. Rough bunch, they were. That's why the warning comes (9 o'clock, 10 o'clock)....that's how many O'Clocks were out on the streets, prowling. The O'Clocks died out in the Great Potato Famine, but their reputation has lived on.
ed shank
For once I'm speechless, there's been so many since I've been here. Sorry.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 14 | |
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Sometimes you don't.
.....It's YOUR stoopid question, though, not one you've been subjected to here! Think on it and come back when you feel like it.
Sometimes you don't.
.....It's YOUR stoopid question, though, not one you've been subjected to here! Think on it and come back when you feel like it.
Fleagirl is awesome... she is related to Tankgirl and the two of them are related to me... Awesome girl power!
Ed Shank; I have told you this time and time again... 908 years old is actually the new 25... seriously.
bulletman
PEOPLELOVER
Well I am leaving now and if I return before I get back please keep me here until I arrive OK?
Better still if I get here first I will put a chalk mark on the wall and if you get here first you rub it off OK?
Or maybe I could light a candle if I get here first and if you do then you can blow it out OK?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 13 | |
That would be very nice but if I get here first I will have to leave as I have a appointment with you somewhere else, sorry about that.
What happens if you don't return? Then I won't be able to see you go. If I bring the candles and the chalk, will you get back to being the first one to arrive?
Thanks Winfia, I got the chalk and candle just before you put them there after you had not arrived to do so, so I can now go back to not being there whilst I am.
This is a real stupid question, why was my birthday not posted?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 11 | |
Your birthday was posted. Don't give me that bad attitude. Your birthday was the big deal of the whole day. In fact, all the other questions were place on hold so the only thing people could respond to was the post about YOUR birthday. That's right, your birthday, and everybody, I mean EVERYBODY, responded, all of them wanting a party for you at the top of the Sears Tower in Chicago, America. We had champagne and appetizers while a string quartet played and artists sketched the guests as they mingled. The dinner was fabulous (of course, I love bacon-wrapped filet mignon). And the birthday cake was grander than the wedding cake at Wills and Kate's royal wedding. It took a 20 foot rental truck to get all the present out of there. The cash-filled envelopes alone weighed at least 20 pounds.
And you wonder why your birthday wasn't posted. IT WAS!!!!!!
And you wonder why your birthday wasn't posted. IT WAS!!!!!!
You didn't say anything about the cake. (Who ate his cake??) This is getting serious. I'm verrry worried.
ROMOS
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