15 Answers

By the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud. You read it, then give it to her.

I suggest that you and your girl go to Coda and keep coming back. Coda is a group of people who talk together about these issues involving relationships. You don't have to talk, but when you understand how this 12-step program works, I think you'll like it. My girl and I really like Coda and I can honestly say it helped save our relationship.

She is lucky to have you and your love and true compassion and understanding, but in saying that you cannot change anyone she has to change that in herself my best suggestion is counseling and maybe you going to the counseling with her at times. She is very hurt, insecure and does have very very low self esteem, but you yourself and by yourself cannot change her, she has to want to change. Good luck and glad to know there are still some great and loving kind men in the world that care enough to try to help someone and love someone like that.

She needs counciling immediatly. She is lucky to have you.

I think there are two main components to this issue: your girlfriend's view on herself and how she fits in life, and your view on yourself and how YOU fit in life.
Every one-on-one relationship has these two things.
You are seeing that your girlfriend feels that she is not secure. You enumerated that she "goes off" on other females that look your way (which will always continue to happen, by the way), and that she checks up on you. Whatever her past is, it is colored by her experiences, and she will continue to see things in this way unless SHE decides that she wants to change her outlook.

It is perfectly fine for you to tell her how you feel about yourself in this relationship, but not to tell her that she is doing things wrong, and driving you to a point of dissatisfaction. Let your words about your feelings be the mirror in which she sees herself, if she chooses to do so. Her reaction may not be pleasing; after all, she seems to be insecure. If she senses your feelings carry with them the possibility of you being less than perfect with the relationship, it will most likely scare her. Just be prepared to be loving in your response, and continue to keep your words about how you are feeling, not using threats such as "I just don't know how long I can go on like this." Tell her you love her, and that you want to feel better in this relationship, and let her decide.
The second part of the equation is you. Look at your life, and think about how your experiences have shaped who you are in a relationship today. Do you feel the need to "fix" wounded souls? If so, then God bless you! But think about this in terms of why you love her, and why you are committed to the relationship. Fixers may stay in unhealthy relationships because the fixer will always have the need to fix, and too much guilt for moving on. The relationship will continue to be unhealthy in this scenario.
In summary, please look at both sides of this, rather than just at what your girlfriend is doing. Examine your motives and your feelings, and decide for yourself if you want to work through this, deal with the sometimes painful moments, etc...Only you can tell if both of you need to adjust your way of thinking.
I wish you luck, love, and happiness.

I hate to be cynical, but I have tried everything to help friends who are this insecure. The behavior you describe is evidence of some deep issues. If she doesn't recognize she needs help, and commit to counseling and hard work to overcome this insecurity, you are stuck with this behavior. No amount of reassurance from you is enough. Her fears and her imagination speak louder than your words or actions ever will.

TELL HER HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND THAT SHE IS SMOTHERING YOU. ALSO THAT YOU NEED YOUR SPACE SOMETIMES. ASSURE HER YOU LOVE HER AND HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON HER BUT IF SHE CONTINUES HER BEHAVIOR YOU WILL HAVE TO MOVE ON, HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY.

well guy im afrais to tell you its only going to get worse the longer you are with her, being hurt is no excuse for being controling or posseve , you need to deside if this girl is worth being a prisoner for or not

MAN TIME TO MOVE ON LIFE IS TO SHORT FOR THE B.S. BRO FOREAL AND OL GIRL NEED CONFIDENCE IN HERSELF

i am there now and trust me reading this made me realize thta i am almost like ur girl, i been hurt cheated on and abuse by my ex and now i a'm with a great guy, my x put me down so much that he had me thinkin all of the above ugly fat etc. all i can say if she is worth it hang on but trust me tell her how u feelin just dont threat about livin or anything like that. just make her feel confident tell her that u love her and there is nothing for her to worry about that u want to stay and if she wants the same things that some stuff may have to change include her with some guys stuff assure her that is ok to be alone sometimes but this dont mean u leave her alone on weekends and evrytime u off. good luck i recognize my problem cuz i wanted to keep my boyfriend so much that i realize i was drivin him away.... listen to the song by usher is called his mistake play it when she is around this is how my boyfriend brought it up to me.....she will understand after this

tell her that you are feeling a bit conscious when she is around cause one day you will end up cheatin on her if it was me then i would just dump her cause i don't think i could cope but believe it works

i think that you should talk to her otherwise you will regret your love to her and you will start cheating on her trust me i know what i am talking it has happenened to a girl

that the same whith me he or she kiss alwas