my husband is an police officer and we have been married for ten years The last year he has become emotionally disconnected and emotionally abusive, as well as mentally. He has been lying more and seems secretive and defensive when i confront him about anything that he may be doing wrong. He is critical of me in every way and only wants to be close to me when he wants sex. This makes me feel used and belittled. He said he is not happy anymore and sees no future one minute and then he loves me and wants me the next. He speaks negetive about me to his family and friends. Fighting only escelates as time goes on and the names that he calls me are awful. He even gets the children involved and tells me they cant stand being around me. I found hotel room reservations on his yahoo that were with someone else and when i confronted him all the information was locked up. I believe he has been having an affair. He threatened to take our 8 year old daughter away and said that if he did not approve of where i was going to live after the divorce then he would go for custody of our daughter. Like I said he only wants sex from me and when he is done its like I dont have any other use for him. I have a very good sense of intuition but just did not want to believe that he could cheat on me. I really try to talk and have an adult conversation about what is going on with him, but he just ignores me by watching tv, walking away, or just saying that he has nothing to say. But if he has something to complain about then he is all words, but they are hurtful words. He makes me feel like I am not good enough no matter what I do. I have watched him flirt with this woman while ignoring me and I do think that she could be the one he wants to be with. I have had 4 hip surgeries and after the third one he left me the day after I got out of the hospital to care for the house and children alone. Although he did come by to have sex with me and I did even though I was not healed and I felt pressured into it. His lies and betrayal and putting me last unless he has need to be met are destroying me and he knows it. I believe he knows exactly how he is hurting me and seems to be proud of himself. Now he is using his position as a police officer to intimidate me. We had gotten into a bad fight one night and he was pushing me emotionally and mentally on purpose to upset me and I just lost it after he called me the C word in front of our daughter. I threw something at him out of anger, he called his police buddy and had me arrested. I was in my room and the officer came in and said I am placing you under arrest and with out any other warning he grabbed the back of my neck, threw my down hard on my face on the bed and began handcuffing me with excessive force, that was not justified. I was calling for my husband saying that the officer was hurting me badly. Well, he never came to help. I was also held without bail. The next morning he took out a restraining order for a week and I was released on my own merits. Three days later he dropped the order and I came home. That night I went to bed and then he came in to the bed with me. I got out of bed and started taking my stuff to sleep on the couch, but he stopped me and wanted me to stay. I told him that I did not want to sleep next to a man that would let another man put harmful hands on his wife, nor a man that clearly does not want her anymore. He told me that he did want me and wanted to stay with me. Well, I believed him and got back into bed. He held me and caressed me for awhile, which is all I have longed for from him because he does not show it out of the bedroom. We did have sex, but in the back of my head I felt like a fool and I said to him to please not treat me like I mean nothing to you in the morning, he said he would not. The morning came and I went into the kitchen where my husband and daughter were. I gave a kiss to my litle girl and one to my husband, which i got no response back. I felt so low and just left the room to cry. Which is something I do alot of because of how I let him make me feel. For the next few weeks nothing had improved and he just got more distant and critical. It was like he would make sure he would make me feel unwanted and worthless and I tried to keep it together. I was so desperate to keep our family together that I still had sex with him even though I knew he was using me, although he said he was not. He told me that he refused to go out in public with me after my arrest. Then I lost my job, which he put me down for. My daughter came home from school one day and said that another student slapped her in the face. I called the school to find out what was going on and the principle confirmed it was true. I told him that he should of notified me instead of hearing it from my daughter when she got home. I was upset, but polite and told him to keep me informed of the situation. I called my husband to inform him and he yelled at me and told me to mind my own business and let the school handle it. I was shocked at how and what he was saying to me. My husband asked who did it and I told him the girls name,we both new her. He said that this girl was much smaller than our daughter and could not have hurt our daughter that bad. I told him that it did not matter about how hard or soft but it was the point that it happened and the principle should have informed me right away. My husband seemed to be more concerned of how I spoke to the principle and said that he knows how I can be. I felt like I was talking to a complete stranger and just hung up the phone and began to cry. My grandaughter was having her first birthday party and I told him that I did not really want him to go. He insisted and said that he wanted to be there because he is her grandfather. We left the house and I was following him and happened to be too close to his car and bumped it from behind. I yelled out the window that I was sorry and was too close. Well, it happened again, this time it was due to my standard stalling which caused the car to jerked forward and bump his car again. My husband thought I was doing it on purpose, which was crazy because 3 of my kids were in the car. It was a tiny bump and there was no damage and no injuries. I would never and have never hurt, abused, neglected, or belittled my children. He know this and when we were in court for my throwing something at him the judge asked my husband if I have ever been abusive or violent toward the children and my husband reply was no she has never been. When I was on my way up to the part I was told to meet them at ext. 3 and when I got off there to meet them and no one was there. I called to find out and he told me that it was ext. 4 and he would meet me at the cvs. I told him my phone was about to die and might not have access to call. I waited at cvs and no one was there, so i finally got about one minuet of service and called him, well he was at the party and just left me there. He said he would be down to meet me. When I walked into the party I felt like the elephant in the room because my husband told these people that I hit his car with the kids in it on purpose. I told my husband to just go to his mothers house that night. The next day he called in the morning to see if he could see our daughter. I told him that she had a playdate with her friend and the next day might be better. He said fine and when I put my daughter on the phone he told her that he would see her after school. I got back on the phone with him and told him that once again he undermines me as a mother. But I did want my daughter to be happy so I told him that he could come here and see her. He wanted to take her to his mothers house for dinner but I said no to him because I told him that I was afraid he would not bring her back. He said that he would just take the girls on the bike path for a while. My husband came over and just walked into the house, which I had asked him not to do. He just walked around and just had small talk with me. The girls arrived and then my husband took them on the path. About two minutes after they left two police officers were at my door and asked if they could come in. I said of course and to please come in. They handed my a restraining order to stay away from my husband and daughter, claiming that I abuse my daughter. I was in shock and did not even know what to say. The older officer told me to pack my daughters things, I told them I have to make a phone call and called my husband to come home and explain what was going on. He came right back and was in the driveway with our daughter. The officer was getting angry with me and order me to pack her things now. I was still in shock and confused. I told the officer that I never abused my children and this was not right. I did say that I would pack her things but had to find a bag and think of what to pack her. As any mother I was thinking of my daughter and how she had no idea what was going on, I went to the window and slid it open to asked her if she wanted me to pack her something special. The older officer came over to me from behind and slid the window shut with my head still out of it, he slammed the window shut and hit me in the head, then he pushed me out of the way and started yelling in my face and hitting me with the restraining order in the face threatening to arrest me. I started to cry because of my concern for my child and the fact that this cop was intimidating me and assaulting me. I told him that I need to look for a bag a get her some things. As I walked into her room I heard the door slam shut and the officer tell my husband that I refused to pack her things, which was a lie. I went to the window and everyone was gone. I was left there alone and confused as to what just took place. Now there were two officers and only one spoke to me, the other one just stood there and said nothing, nor would he even look me in the face. He just kind of looked down a bit like he knew that what they were doing was wrong. The order said that my husband was afraid of me so much that he had to get this order, but yet he just walked into my home moments before as to nothing was going one. He also lied that I abuse my daughter when he knows I dont. My husband is the one who spanks our daughter and will leave a mark. He has also abused my older son who was 17 and would throw him on the ground and continue to kick him in the stomach and there were many other times as well, they did not get along but it still did not give my husband the right to do that to him. So, my husband is a police officer and I believe that he is using his authority to bully, intimidate, and threaten me. I also believe that all the officers and the court's are also abusing their authority to push me around. How can I protect myself and my children from the manipulation and unwarranted abuse of this system.