monkey11
Advice from substance abuse addicts or recovered addicts, please.
I have someone that I really love that is victim to this kind of life. I have the feeling that letting them know that I love them and waiting till they get to the end of themselves is the prefered route, but I am open to advise from those who are experiencing this, or have.
Even the Beatles broke up b/c of John's Heroin habit .
14 Answers
yahthatguy
Best answer!
ive viewed the answers of others and all i can say is....i have been trapped in this life style for over 14 yrs its the hardest thing to go through for the fact that you are willing to throw everything and everyone away and you dont even realize it until its to late it takes years of dedication to trying to solve this problem as the user....and no tough love is not the answer...understanding ,patience and most of you need to show this person that you wont turn your back on them and that you care about them....show them you want to help until the point they realize geeze this person loves me so much maybe i should start loving myself...this method will help the user take the steps to begin to quit....but remember for most relapse is a part of recovery..most disagree but from a user myself ...it makes you realize how much the drugs are bad for your life its a toxic venom from the devil that will make you lose your soul....the best antidote is to find the lord he will shelter from evil he will pick you up when you fall....thanks for listening
monkey11
melandrupert
| 13 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
Thank you so much for the insight from personal experience as a user. That is what I'm looking for...how she feels! I know she doesn't love herself, I know she can't stand what goes on in her mind...that's partly why she is doing what she is doing! I have shown her love, so has the rest of our family. I have told her I will help her in anyway I can when she is ready to quit. I have text contact daily, and she responds each time! Thanks again for your insight! What a road you have been down! Wow! Good job for doing the hard work to get out! Congratulations!
well done yahthatguy a day at time and kick the monkey on your shoulder !!! you know what i am talking about, great of you to share well done
Grandma in CA
I have an ex husband who was addicted when I met him at 17, he is now 41 & still addicted. Spent most of his adult life in & out of jail. Has been thrown off a bridge (owed money to drug dealers) got Hepatitis, lost his wife & child, owns nothing but a few clothes from a thrift store & has left a trail of destruction including contributing to the health problems of his mom & dad & life long scars left on me & his & my son. I think just about every family out there today, either has a family member addicted to something (food, drugs, gambling etc...) or has a friend that is. It really says something about the direction of our country & the lack of religion in todays society.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
melandrupert
mom
I was married 15 years to an addict. I tried to support him and be there for him until he started to abuse the boys in his many rages. Eventually we lost everything and the boys and I had to go into hiding. Unfortunately I have to sadly say that there is really nothing you can do but understand he has a sickness. Hate the sin , love the sinner and sometimes love is walking away.I am sad for your son because having a father is important but I have quite successfully raised my 2 alone and they are functioning quite well.Your sons father has his own journey in life and no matter what you do , he is going to make choices that are disappointing and sad for you and your son. Al anon is a good choice to learn how to deal with his sickness yourself but please get your son out of the way of the oncoming train wreck.A good place for your son to find support is a family program called Rainbows. It is a program for kids going through loss of a family member or divorce. There are also groups of parents that meet for support in this as well. A women's shelter also offers great counselling and kids support programs especially for kids that witness abuse and addiction.Just understand that for now your ex will choose the drugs over anything else in his life...it is his life...his body needs it to keep functioning at this time.Love him enough to let go and let God. I know what your going through and it's awful to be in a helpless place. Love and support your son, he is fortunate to have at least one loving healthy parent. I take my hat off to you...this is not an easy road to walk but you have love and support from everywhere...including me!
monkey11
mom
| 13 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
Mom, I'm so sorry for what you have been through! I'm also sorry that I led you astray on who I am and who the addict in my family is! Sorry...and thanks for all your dear care and advise! I hope that someone who is in this situation that you have been in can have someone like you to care and help them through! For me it is actually my little sister! I ache for her as a mother as I am several years older. I failed to put the full information out here for fear that she may see me putting it public, but I'm under another name and if she does see this hopefully she will realize that I have not given away her identity, but am looking for ways to help her! I now understand and believe that what I am doing in terms of showing her my love that won't die no matter what she does is likely the best thing I can do after praying for her! Thanks again for your compassion and care! I love how you have such a big heart!
Thanks for your honesty...it's okay, I hope maybe my answer will possibly help someone else...thats whats so good about this sight.I do hope your sister can pull herself together. Be there for her but don't enable her by helping her get the drugs she needs.Like I said earlier...love the sinner, hate the sin. There is no addict out there that isn't hurting in some way. She is covering something up that she just can't deal with. She doesn't care about herself and has lost her identity. Love her and make sure she knows you love her...that will be one thing that keeps her alive is to know she has your love.Your still in my thoughts and prayers as well as your sister...trust me, as a drug user she does not love what she is doing!
FreedomFighter
The central issue with any addict is they are medicating a psychological/emotional pain(s). They will never kick the habit until they discover this is what they are doing, and have someone help them identify it and deal with it. Many times the pain is lie-based, and once they come to the point to realize this is the case, and discover the truth of the event(s) that led them to this false lifestyle, they can quite easily come out of their addiction for good.
monkey11
| 13 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
Thanks, FreedomFighter! It helps to think that there is hope! I sort of have some ideas as to what drove her to this, but of course non of us know for sure! Hope she finally works her way out some day!
ed shank
Sorry to say this but let them hit rock bottom, all the kind words and love you want to bestow on them is bullshit, they don't care about you or anyone else. They want to get high and after that they want to get higher. Dopers or boozers are incapable of rational thinking, it's a side effect of the addiction so save your breath. Hopefully they don't die in the process or kill some else. Do not hold your hand out for support, but walk away. Everyone with a habit hits bottom, just a matter of time, at that point you can reach out and provide support. An addict doesn't care about "your" emotional state. The addicts credo: me, me, me F**k everyone else.
Grandma in CA
ed shank
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
I agree Ed, but I do think they need to know that you love them, & when THEY are ready to make the necessary changes, you will support them, until then, you will not enable them. The show INTERVENTION is great for learning some of the ways to deal with addicted loved ones.
Absolutely, let them know you will be there when they decide to change their ways, till that time, walk away. You want them to hit bottom, the sooner the better.
IamPamela313
I wish I could help you to help your love one, but, I don't have any advice. The only thing I hear for people with substance abuse problems is to give them tough love. Will that help the substance abuser, maybe, to some degree, who knows. Good luck :-)
monkey11
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
Well, I'm really just a bystander as it is my younger sibling and I've left home...but my folks have used tough love and tender love. Anyway...they know we love them and that is a big thing! Thanks for your care!
Darci13
Okay I guess the first thing I am learning in life is that I can change no one but myself. That being said though, with drug addicts, alcholoics, etc. Until they reach the point to where they quit being in denial and admit to themselves that they do indeed have a problem and do admit to themselves that they do indeed want help to get out of the addictions, then there is truly nothing you can do but pray for them. But if that person is not still in denial ie, I can handle it I don't have a problem you do not me, etc etc etc then there are many resources out there for that help. I know a lot of churches sponser a program called "Celebrate Recovery" that is one good resource and AA is a good resource and there are many many more. I know that you, the court system or anyone can spend tons of money sending a person to a rehab but it will truly never make a difference until the person that has the addiction admits to themselves that they do have an addiction and that they do indeed want to be helped. The steps to recovery in any addiction begans with getting out of denial, admitting to themselves that yes they do indeed have a problem and then admitting that they do indeed need help to get through and over any addiction. Good luck and may God Bless you and your friend.
monkey11
Darci13
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
Thanks, Darci13. I'm not exactly sure what stage she is at, but I do feel hope for "some day"! When that day is no one knows. Thanks, again, for your care!
You are very welcome you are in my thoughts and prayers along with your friend. Hang in there keep praying prayer changes things it truly does.
leosmaml
ole hipster
I had thought out an answer to your question when I had first earlier on read it but spaced it out (probably a backlash to all the years I did abuse any and/all substances) so...here goes...I shall give you my own personal advice. Actually, I am still lucky to be alive considering what I have done to my body with drugs and alcohol...we are all fallible...no person is exempt...we all have our own life struggles and we tend to deal with it in different ways....some of us turn to anything that will make the pain go away...if one is not of a religious nature there's not much left...I did what I felt I needed to do for me to survive the cruel nature and intracacies of life...I never hurt anybody outside of myself...you just have to pick yourself up off the ground and learn how to deal with life as it is for you, or go down with the sinking ship that you are on...otherwise, the alternative to life sucks...get my message? All the organizations in the world that you can seek out will not help you unless you are able, willing and smart enough to help yourself...I've been there and still face battles every single day...take care of yourself first of all and then maybe you can help someone else (:
monkey11
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
Aw...thanks! It's touching to hear of stories like yours! I just ache when I think of what some people go through! I will keep being there for my sister and hope that some day she will get to the point of wanting off the sinking ship. When she does we will be there with a loving lifeboat! Thanks for taking the time to answer!
koakoa
I am currently on Suboxone, before taking Suboxone I was taking many pain pills a day. I hear people say there is an underline problem and this is why people take drugs. I do not think I have any underline problems I was not taking drugs so I could bury some emotional pain or I wasnt taking drugs to deal with anything I just took them because they made me feel good. My family knew I was taking them because I would ask them if they had any pain medicine and they ALL would say NO. Not one family member ( I have 5 brothers and 1 sister) said to me I think you have a problem and need help. I finally had to say to myself I do not need to spend my money on pills and I do not need to take these pills so I made up my own mind and I stopped. Of course I just couldnt stop because the physical pain was really bad so I sought out a doctor who could prescribe medicine to help with the withdraws. I know my family loves me and the fact they never confronted me with my problem speaks volume to me. I think at some point someone may have said something but I believe they felt I could handle my own life. I have always been a responsible person and even while on pills I was a responsbile person I think if I had shown that something was going on I couldnt handle they would have stepped in. I think you should just be by your sisters side and she will reach out when she hits rock bottom if she cant get help on her own.
mycatsmom
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
and buying those drugs is expensive.! My friend, A, who was hooked on Tylenol # 3 , was spending $ 10.00 for each pill ! She was not making much money as a waitress, either.
KgC
Narcotics Anonymous for your friend. Alanon for you. Both proven to be of great help in cases like this. It's free to attend, but it's nice to be able to donate a dollar at the and of the meeting if possible. Good luck to you both.
monkey11
KgC
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
So what is it that they do at alanon? it's the one that is for the family or friends of users?
Al-Anon is for family and/or friends of anyone who abuses substances, not just alcohol. At those meetings you will learn how to cope with the fact of your friend's drug use. You'll begin to understand how and when to help your friend and how and when to "not help" your friend. If the drug/alcohol user won't go to Narcotics Anonymous, Al-Anon will be helpful to you anyway. You will find strength at those meetings and learn from the experience of others what kinds of compassionate and loving support are likely to best help your friend. I hope that you utilize the resources available in your town- starting with Al-Anon.
itsmee
what about suboxone or methadone? in your opinion, do these work for substance abuse problems?
monkey11
mycatsmom
| 13 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
Itsmee...are you asking me? Or those that view the question and have tried those routes?
I put this in an answer thinking that when you reply I'd get a notification, but forgot that you won't get one!! :( Sorry!
I put this in an answer thinking that when you reply I'd get a notification, but forgot that you won't get one!! :( Sorry!
a lot of people sell their suboxone or methadone on the street to get money to buy their " real drugs " .
monkey11
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