21 Answers

Join something that interests you.Find out if there is a new comers club...you will get to know others in your position and if there is nothing like that maybe put an add in the local paper and start something of your own.Have a neighbours party and have everyone on your street over for a bbq...it doesn't have to be a drinking bash but gives you a chance to get to know the neighbours.Start a mom's morning out club once a week if you have young kids. Small towns can be hard to break into but sometimes you really have to put your heart into working at it.

I'm like that Jenn, I havn't had a friend for 20yrs and only a handful before that, with kids, work and 1000mi move I never found the time or felt I needed them and 20 yrs went by. I think you learned early that people can be cruel and are not to be trusted, so you keep your left up all the time.

Find and do something you enjoy is easy to say but if you do and go in search of others that enjoy those things you probably stand a better chance of making good friends because it will give you and them time to get to know one another in a neutral location. My wife also had that problem but she got time after the kids all moved away to find some friends. Now she goes to the pool 5 times a week for an hour class where she and a bunch of others splash around, they have pot lucks sometimes, celebrate each others b.d's and it gives her something to look forward to when she's at work, and some of her friends go do other things now, they go to lunch, exchange fruits and vegis. and talk about things (gossip) sometimes go out for sushi after class, one of the ladys gave her a bee hive and the bees that go with it. So, I think you should give it a try and make time for yourself before 20yrs go bye.

I agree no friends are better thwan fake ones. I further feel once you reach my age (48) if you can count your true, true freinds on your fingers, and they fill up one hand you are blessed.

True freinds arethose who stand firm or walk in as others leave or run for cover.

I wrote an article some time back I will post below, but just be yourself. The person you see all alone in the morning when oyu wake up in the mirror should be the person everyone sees. Other words be you all the time, and around everyone -- the same -- the real you.

You will eventually attract someone. Besides if oyu put on and you gain a frend eventually they realize that is not the real oyu. Lethte real oyu lead, adn shine the path. It will come or they, him, or her will come.

Enjoy my little thing on feinds and give it some thought:

THE TRUTH OF FRIENDSHIP!

by Mark Taylor on Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 11:14am

Friends are only friends if they are willing to tell you the truth. Otherwise, they are just mere acquaintances. Sometimes the truth is in your favor and sometimes it is not. It can sometimes be the healing balm, and sometimes it can hurt to your very core, either case coming from a friend it should be welcome. I personally have experienced both, and to be perfectly honest it is those friends, with the courage to tell me a truth when it is something I rather not hear, that I respect the most.

It saddens and frustrates me when friends don't tell friends the truth. I mean, when someone complains about the same thing over and over again (or the same person over and over again i.e. if they can't forgive someone or see their innocence), perhaps someone should tell them...HEY BUD, IT's YOU!

I remember a friend of mine crying to me one night about how he is so trusting with people but they always let him down. I told my friend right then and there that it wasn't about trusting people, it was about his discernment. He called it trust so he could blame them if the relationship didn't go his way. He was not taking responsibility for his part in it. That's the truth for so many of us.

Now, just to be clear you must be a good friend, a friend that has the ability to listen beyond the story being told i.e. does not put loyalty above the truth.

A good friend doesn't believe there is only one version to any story, there is always two. A good friend may say things like, "Man that sucks" but they also follow that up with, "and what was your part in it?" Maybe not in that same moment but in a moment that follows, the moment of true friendship.

What I have come to realize is, sadly, some people don't want the truth. They don't want truthful friends. They don't want to be called out or called on to change themselves or their version of the story. Heck, they are so busy weaving a story they probably don't know what the truth is anymore.

Telling a story is the way we give our life meaning. So I understand the seduction of it. Yet inside the story we are either taking responsibility or blaming. What is your intention when you tell a story? Do you want people to side with you? Do you want to find the lessons in the story? Do you want to search for the truth for each person in the story?

How do you know if the people in your life are true friends? Who will call you on the stories you tell that are just plain stories?

Ask yourself:
Are you able to hear feedback without getting defensive?
And if you do get defensive, can you admit it?
Do you ask your friends "is it me?"
Are you willing to hear the answer?

You might have people in your life that you feel are true friends, but true friends will never agree with you one hundred percent of the time. REPEAT...true friends will never agree with you one hundred percent of the time. They can't. Sometimes you are just wrong and they are the ones that you can trust to tell you.

So do you have true friends?

Do you give your friends the space to question you, i.e. go deeper or see the other persons point of view? Are you committed to the truth more than being right?

If you want to be right, forget it. Your friends can't help you and your friends have learned a long time ago that you don't want their help. They know you want to be right and personally, a commitment to being right is so small-minded.

Ask yourself this; Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Sure, being right feels good. No one can argue that. But personally, I want to be happy. And sometimes it is my friends that help me get there.

As we get older and have such a busy life and everyone else does too it is harder to make true friends but not impossible. I truly do not know a good answer for you unless you get involved in maybe a church that also has small groups that meet or something of that sort maybe?

Hey Jenn,

if you live in a small town it is likely, as you already indicated, that everyone knows everyone since childhood days. It can be pretty difficult to get into such old "insider" circles. It requires time and demonstration of good will. It would be great if you could somehow get involved in your community's activities, like help projects where you could volunteer and thus contribute your personal qualities to the place. People will surely appreciate that, and it will be easier to become friends with them and to gain their trust. Another possibility is to join some kind of workshop - be it yoga, crafting, choir singing or whatever you like. You would meet people who share your interests there, and that is always a good starting point for a friendship.

Also, if there is any people you see regularly, like sales personnel in stores and supermarkets, or the postman, or... try to smalltalk with them from time to time. This might not result in friendship, but it helps you find out more about the community and its people, and often you will be given helpful info and make new contacts through these occasional encounters.

Summing everything up, the secret lies in making people notice you are there and that you are a valuable, fun-to-be-with, trustworthy individual. Once that is clear, people will approach you on their own initiative.

Good luck,
Papitou

I am a person who seems to make friends easily. It sounds like you have a busy life, but to have a friend, my dad always said you had to be a friend. Sometimes starting out with some kindness to a neighbor, co-worker, a member of a church community or as a member of a school committee...gets the ball rolling. My exhusband never had any friends. He thought the process took too much time and energy. He was right, it does but the end result is worth it. I think like a lot of good things in life the price is worth the reward.

Wow if you find the answer let me know. I think it has to do with our age. In high school, college and until my 30's I always had really good friends. Now, none and not even in a real serious situation.
I feel funny about online dating web sites as well.

don't worry about it everyone will make friends it does not matter whether you have 2 friends or loads of friends at least you are not on your own. the best way to make friends is to go out somewhere or go on a dating website you will make friends if you believe in yourself

because you cant make freinds if you dont start by giving them those round things called coooooooooooooooocies!

Dont feel bad as it happens to everyone it can be hard to make new friends, id talk to coworkers or go out somewhere that you can meet friends, but be mindful no friends are better than fake friends, and bad friends