Karma: 945575

Something for all or no one at all?

I bought new swimsuits for the two older granddaughters and two more life jackets. My daughter in law is upset I didn't buy one for her daughter, who fits into one of last year's outgrown suits. The suit was not cheap and in excellent condition.

My son says if I buy something for one, I need to buy for all 5, to keep the peace. I tend to keep things even over the long haul, and find his wife's upset and his suggestion hurtful to the joy I have in giving and the children knowing that you don't have to get something because someone else received.

I could justify myself at length, and I'm inclined to tell the adults if my gifts must always include everyone, it becomes an obligation. If my gifts are unwelcome if there aren't 5 every time, I will keep the gift giving to Christmas and birthdays. Oh, it's okay to honor just the birthday kid.

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+6 Views: 1467 Answers: 8 Posted: 9 years ago

8 Answers

jhharlan

Karma: 1457205

Best answer!

Where does she get off griping about any gift at all? The kids don't mind or wouldn't if a big deal wasn't made. Possessiveness is learned. Shame on the parents......

9 years ago. Rating: 12
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country bumpkin

Karma: 1665030

I have a feeling if you bought a gift for the granddaughter in law (no gifts for the other grandchildren) your daughter in law would not complain or suggest you buy gifts for the other grandchildren too. Perhaps she is insecure with her relationship with you so she became jealous when she found out you bought gifts for the other grandchildren and not her child.

9 years ago. Rating: 12
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Bob/PKB

Good points. She is over the top with her little one, whose father is nowhere near the picture. It's a "yours, mine, & ours, which I never experienced. My son is "Dad" to all and she is "Mom". I think her ethnic background, lack of education, protectiveness and, as you said, insecurity play a part. However, if you have two older sisters and live off welfare, you shouldn't be too uppity for "gently used" clothes. They buy at thrift stores, but a hand-me-down creates a problem?? All 3 of my sons wore hand-me-downs....older cousin...

commented 9 years ago

digger

What's her ethnic background ?

commented 9 years ago

Bob/PKB

Hispanic

commented 9 years ago

Ducky

Karma: 1032550

Sadly, the parents missed a great opportunity for a "teaching moment", if in fact, the kid(s) had even noticed. Something like, "Oh how nice that "Suzie" and "Mary" got new suits this year, just like Grandma bought for you last year. What a nice grandma we have!" (Or something to that effect.)

What do you do in future? All I can think of is "I'm trying to help you out with some necessities but, in my opinion, ALL the kids don't need a gift EVERY time. Shall I just stick to Christmas and birthday gifts?" (Or something to that effect.)

9 years ago. Rating: 11
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Bob/PKB

I talked to my spineless son, who can't deal with her on this....Or much else. I asked him if the 3 non school aged kids have to go shopping for school clothes....no answer. He knows it's wrong, and he won't put the kabash on this ignorance, which doesn't earn much respect from me.

commented 9 years ago

Ducky

He's stuck in the middle and has to live with her. :(

commented 9 years ago

Bob/PKB

Yep, and the 3 month old already has two bottom teeth poking through.
Her little girl would be much better off being treated like everybody else

commented 9 years ago

Ducky

Wow, 3 months! That's young.

commented 9 years ago

Bob/PKB

Kids grow up so fast nowadays

commented 9 years ago

bulletman

Karma: 324255

This is easily settled, MsBob don't purchase any swim suits, you save money and it keeps the peace with your ungrateful family.

9 years ago. Rating: 10
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Tommyh

Karma: 609115

You're in a difficult situation Phyl.

I can tell you that my youngest grand-daughter loves the hand me downs from her big sister.It makes them kinda special to her for some reason.

I think your daughter in law needs help.

There's something loose in that head of hers.

9 years ago. Rating: 9
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Bob/PKB

Yep, and I love her, but she needs a reality check!

commented 9 years ago

Bob/PKB

You know, if the situation had been handled right, the little one would have been elated to be growing up so much she could wear a "big girl" swimsuit.. and how pretty she looks in it. Foolishness

commented 9 years ago

sunnyB

Karma: 390511

You shouldn't have to give to all every time you buy something, as you say overall you keep things pretty even, and they should learn to accept that. Stick to your guns and don't give in to your daughter in laws demands, let them know you intend to carry on as you have in the past, they should respect you for that, and for just being their grandma.

9 years ago. Rating: 9
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Bob/PKB

I'm considering how I can tactfully disagree with her and not create animosity. Maybe I'll be a hag and say I saw the cutest (?) and wanted to get it for my step-granddaughter, but didn't because I didn't have time to find gifts for everybody else.

commented 9 years ago

sunnyB

That's the way Bob, don't let them beat you.

commented 9 years ago

Bob/PKB

The whole concept is incredulous. She is one of seven...don't expect me to believe that's how it worked when she was a kid

commented 9 years ago

terryfossil 1