Bob/PKB
For several years, "we" have enjoyed holidays with my aunt, her two daughters, and her grandson. The three women have their family issues, but put them aside for special occasions and I do love them all dearly and appreciate time spent with them. All good-hearted people, but the sisters have never gotten along, and it's getting worse now that the younger and her mother own and live in the home my uncle left them when he died in April. The older has lived in a condo her mom owns, rent-free, for over 20 years. The younger has always been independent and frugal. She's put effort into getting the home cleaned and de-cluttered. Her mom appreciates the new look (no new stuff, just clean), but the elder sister enters the home as though it is hers (I've seen her in action and now call her "Hurricane")
I'm closer to the younger daughter and got a phone call from her VERY early this morning, telling me about a couple of ugly notes left by her sister and allegedly her mother (obviously NOT, by the looks of the handwriting and it was signed "Lou"). She is livid and very hurt, and it took me a very long time to get her seeing straight (what she does, though, is anyone's guess).
The problem I have now is whether I want to spend Christmas at the other sister's home (she is an instigator and agitator of the highest caliber), or simply go to my best friend's home, where I know there will be peace and kindness towards one another. My two sons will be at cousin's, but we can have breakfast together and share some time early in the day.
What I'd really like to do is sit my cousins and aunt down and get them to TALK to each other, set some boundaries and respect each other's space. Each one needs to make some compromises. It's so much easier to tell someone how to solve their familial problems than to solve your own (do what I say, not what I do, sadly).
Any suggestions on what to do? If my "favorite" cousin boycotts, I don't want to be a hypocrite and show up "just because". Both of my cousins are strong personalities, and my aunt is really caught in the middle. She has been diagnosed with Parkinson's, is 83, and hasn't a mean bone in her body, but she has favored her older daughter for years and everyone knows it.
7 Answers
ROMOS
jhharlan
Oh, forget all of them and come to Texas. We're having bar-b-q!
| 10 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
Ducky
As long as you have an option and can go to whichever home you choose, go to the one where you feel the most comfortable and enjoy the day. As to why these things happen during holidays....many are thinking back to past events and wondering why things are not as they should be or could be. Life and its events are rarely what a person had hoped for or expected. I'm guessing that MANY right here, experience some kind of disappointment at this time of year.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
bustieone
I agree with the majority of our group, friends are needed, and you deserve a day of peace. I know that one would not be thinking elsewhere and still troubled by all of the problems of the clan. But do visit with the friends, and when asked why did you choose them, simply spill your heart, and tell why... And use this as the time to get them to sit and mull over their situation, and for them to come up with what to do next. And Bob, I too grew up with those "fantasy families of the fifties", so when my parents divorced, only my closest friends knew there was no dad at our household. We kids took on too much, guilt, inferior complexes, lack of social settings, no role models, etc. You forgot Daddy Knows Best, with Danny Thomas... Merry Christmas. p.s. wife and I have decided to join our daughters in-laws, so we will not be alone...
| 10 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
While those shows presented "ideal" families and always had me disappointed in my family (and myself), I'd rather America strive for THOSE fantasies than the cr*p on TV today (even the ads for some of the shows make me tense).
In my elementary days, I had exactly ONE (very good friend) classmate whose parents had divorced, and she lived with her remarried father. He subsequently divorced and married a third time, one of the nicest people I ever knew, and a highly respected citizen of our little hometown. The pharmacy he established still bears his name.
sunnyB
Spend a peaceful Christmas with your friends, and leave the family to get on with it, you've had enough problems this year, think of yourself for once.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 6 | |
itsmee
I'd go to my friend's house. Later on you can work on your family problems.
| 10 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
But, for years, we put aside our differences for a holiday and pretend to be OK with everyone. How phony, and disappointing, to spend a special day with people who aren't fond of each other, often including yourself!
A lot of people do what we do. I don't know why we are the polka dotted sheep in the clan.
"It's always something," as Gilda Radner said
I think Christmas is a day when our shopkeepers make the money they need to see them through. Religion is certainly brought into the formula -and that should be a good thing.
Have a New Year's party with your sons. Let them sleep in after their parties and have their favorite foods the first evening of 2014. Next year that will be my plan. (I won't be feeding your sons! I'll let you do that!)
I think you're making a wise decision about your "suffocating Cousin Hurricane" Bake them cookies or bread. They will love you and that's always a good thing.It's just a day. : )
mycatsmom
