38 Answers (1-30 Displayed)

"An average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

Time is fun when you're catching flies..." -kermit

Well I like those funny painted signs you see at the stores and some of them are really cute and since I truly hate cooking I tell everyone I am allergic to cooking LOL I have a sign that says if you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Also, like one I saw that said cat and husband missing, $500 reward for finding the missing cat......

"A sucsessful man is the one that builds solid foundations from the bricks that are thrown at him".

You can pick your friends.You can pick your nose.But you can't pick your friends nose.

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  A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown

  
  


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  Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz

  
  


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  All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

  
  


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  Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade

  
  


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  An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle

  
  

I'll say I'm good and kind,good for nothing and kind of stupid.

Don't piss on my shoes and tell me it's raining.

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. ~Douglas Adams, {Mostly Harmless}

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. ~Douglas Adams, {Mostly Harmless}

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar (that is if you are trying to catch flies, which I am not LOL)

We had to get rid of the kids --- The cat was a Allergic.

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." - Groucho Marx

If God made anything better than sex he kept it for himself.

There is always the oldie "If I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

My dad always said, "if you hang around with S*#T, you get some on you", it took me 45 years to understand that...

"Are you an original, like what I am?"

Johhny Rotten post Sex Pistols

Love thy neighbour.But don't get caught.

Every day you paint another colour on the canvass of your life.   This is one of my own I used with my children.

I was told by a lady , when I went into the ladies toilet by mistake, "You can`t come in here this is for women" My reply? "Well lady this isn`t for mixing paint"  Boom Boom.

From Canada,, Bobs your uncle, means thats right or good. and Stick a fork in me I am done, I say that at the end of my work day.

I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired........

 This is my weapon.. and that is my gun..this ones for fighting..and that ones for fun  !!

It seems like only yesterday we were calling today tomorrow.

We can only satisfy one person per day.

Today is not your day.

Tomorrow's not lookin' good either.

Check out,            Dumb list of Crazy Laws,          Even though they are not Quotes, think they will make you smile.                 www.board.com/crazylaws/

There is always the oldie "If I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

lf Typhoo put the T in Britain who put the n in N-field?

www.DumblistofCrazyLaws                      sorry it didnot come up first time

west-bus - There's no fire without smoke.