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    i called the cops on my boyfriend cause he hit me .now there is a no conyact order but i really want to see him ,weve been together 23 years i want to go home .what should i do /

    i had to leave the home and i have nowhere to go i hhave no family cause they have all passed im feeling really alone in this world right now and i just want to go home but i think he may be real pissed at me for calling the police how can i find out what he is feeling and if he still loves me?


     

    0  Views: 988 Answers: 10 Posted: 11 years ago
    roastette69

    Ttusi , Thank You for the advice, you really gave me something to think about, agaim tyvm! And to the rest of you who gave me some great advice .... tyvm!!
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Please use the comment this answer link attached to the answer you wish to reply to. This way they get a notification that you replied and will be able to reply in turn if needed. It also keeps conversations together rather than having comments out of place. Thanks!
    mycatsmom

    maybe you can get the restraining order revoked. Whose house is it ?

    10 Answers

    Every woman who gets abused by her "loving" boyfriend, wants to go back and often does. You are no different. The best thing that you can do right now, is ask for help.....at a woman's shelter, at the police department, at a social service agency. Ask someone to help you because you are an abused woman. Do you know that? Has he told you yet how sorry he is and that it will never happen again? If you go back to him, he'll forget that in an instant and no doubt SHOW YOU just how thrilled he is about you calling the police. What has made you believe that you deserve to be abused? YOU DO NOT!!!

    Rough, tight spot. I understand. I also understand that if the deed was enough for you to call the cops then it was indeed bad. Get some counseling and find out t hat  you've been frightened all along. You can  heal, give it time........

    Before going home, try here first .


    Cythera Transition House


    Incorporated in 1983, Cythera Transition House Society is a non-profit organization whose mandate is to provide shelter and services to abused women and children. The Society provides a permanent transition house, 2nd stage housing, a crisis line, off-site counselling centre, information and referral services, community education on issues surrounding abuse: 604-467-9939 (Counselling Centre)
    Tel: 604-467-9966 (Transition House)
    www.cythera.ca/

    If he loves you he would not have hit you. Have nothing more to do with him.

    Find out if your life insurance pays for someone killing you. If he hit you once , he will do it again. Just wondering , does he have a tattoo , what does it look like ?

    Colleen

    Moderator
    Below reply moved to where it belongs.


    ____________________________________

    roastette69

    Yes he has a tattoo <why would that make any difference its not a tough guy tatty its his name
    Ducky

    Moderator
    You are so right, roastette69. He could be a sweetheart WITH a tattoo or he could be abusive WITHOUT a tattoo. He IS your ABUSER and I ask you again...do you know that? Talk to someone about it.
    pythonlover

    Moderator
    (Moved Zorro's answer to comment this answer):

    Zorro: Just wondering if he has a gang related tattoo. You could have been involved with a man that has gang affiliations and not know it. He has already exhibited aggressive actions toward you, chances he has done it before to someone else. How much do you really know about him ? Look for lightning bolts, stars, numbers, etc. If you see something and he really wont explain what it is, he is hiding something from you. Good luck to you. Don't be afraid to leave . My guess he has a probation officer. He is violent and cant make a commitment . Why you still with him after all these years?
    Ducky

    Moderator
    @zorro...She has been with him for 23 years because that is what abused partners (female and male) do! They believe that it is somehow THEIR fault as it is a psychological "game" played by abusive people. Unless you have been "in it" or are willing to read up on the subject, you cannot hope to understand the answer to "why are you still with him after all these years"? Sadly, without counselling, her answer will be, "because I love him" and she'll go back!

    sweetie , you show a courage to ask about your personal relatiionship .........for me this is enough courage for a woman to broke a relationship which age is 23 years old. First love yourself ,,,start it now, because when you start loving yourself you can understand you don't need your abusive boyfriend any more. Abusive nature brings humaliation . Nobody has any right to assult you. You  are a vibrant and mature woman . You don't need anybody to complete you. Fight for yourself . If you own the home go home , take protection from police for domestic violence. Be strong,  no matter whoever is beside you I am always with you. God Bless You. 

    Colleen

    Moderator
    She's actually older than 23 years. She has been with her boyfriend for 23 years. I have to wonder why they never got married in those 23 years of being together. But you gave some great advice!

    The simple truth is...he hit you once.He will do it again & again.You can call the cops as often as it happens & it won't stop him. I'm really sorry for your predicament but the fact is,you are better off without him.Move on.There are better men out there.

    He could be having a mental problem such as a stroke, or the like in the brain. 23 years of good behavior may just call for meds. Odd thing about strokes is that a person may not be able to explain themselves or their behavior for a while. Forgetfulness, odd behavior, stumbling about, slurred speech, odd mannerisms, etc …..could be drunk….could be a stroke. Confusion and an inability to answer questions flaring into violent or abusive behavior and wild accusations coupled with slurred speech & clenched fists ….typical stroke indicators.       

    Ducky

    Moderator
    Statistics show that a very high percentage of people who abuse, have no excuse, in the physical sense...stroke, alcohol, drugs, etc. They are mean bullies with bad tempers and have a nearby person who "takes it" from them. Bullies almost always choose a victim who is much smaller in stature and really cannot physically fight back. The abused one, must leave. If he might have had a stroke (which I doubt) she can find that out, AFTER she leaves...from a doctor, not him!
    robertgrist

    Thanks Ducky. My submission in this is base on my experience with a neighbor who had a stroke and infuriated during the event because his body was not performing as it should and no one seemed to understand what was happening to him. Unable to articulate his intent because his brain and body were broken…. I know many strike out at their spouse habitually and repetitively. I think these events are more like a suppressed memory that becomes reactive when triggered. Triggered memories of an event can expose a person to the same response pattens. Yes, repetition of the pattern can be triggered through a behavioral series. But there is another way to remedy the situation.
    Ducky

    Moderator
    But that's against the law.

    the main problem is.........she doesn't have anywhere to go . That's what she said. Maybe she can find a battered womens' shelter.

    I have no advice, roastette. You’ve had enough of that. I believe you know the answer. I wish you the best. Please let us know what you decide to do. I don’t know of anyone here who is not going to worry about you. 



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