13 Answers

The trouble is,he sees all that as your job & the the truth be told you have always picked up after him for your own comfort & peace of mind.Tell him to grow up or collect all of his garbage & put it in his room.

Start with "Can I talk to you w/o you're getting mad?" and proceed from there.  Otherwise, a pair of boxing gloves may be in order............

He's mad about something or on drugs......

I would gather the junk in a trash bag and deposit on his bed!  Maybe he could understand that? He's pushing your buttons! Push his. I bet he won't like it!

Obviously he is in need of a social worker in mental health who is familiar with this little mania. He is upset because the world seems to contradict his his beliefs with pain. Your input about his behavior reminds him of the reason he is getting screwed up and feeling hopeless. The reason is usually drug  or alcohol related or simply over work and exhaustion. My shrink goes for whats happening with my general health first….then what’s happening. Not eating properly is #1. Not sleeping properly is #2 and problems at home or work is #3. Most likely….it is not you.  

I think I would choose a time when neither of you are upset, sit down and tell him it just isn't working the way things are currently, explain why, and ask him what he thinks his options are

maybe a military boot camp may be the best thing.. it helps with anger issues family life and discipline and respect

Tape record him one  day,so that he can hear his own way of putting his point across to the mother who  has brought him into this world,

When he moves out on his own, then go check his place, i bet it will be spotless.  My son when he lived with us was a slob, no matter what we said, he just wouldn't keep things neat and orderly. Now that he is on his own, he's more meticulous than we are.  amazing.  Your teachings will go with him, just not with you. 

Bob/PKB, just saw your post. Its been a month now and I hope your relationship with your son has improved. If not, would it be best that he get his own place? You stated that he gets verbally aggressive and belligerent when talking to him. You also stated that you are close to a confrontation and you have to watch every word. What do you mean? Physical? If so, it's time for him to move. You cannot let him disrespect you. At 22 you are grown.

I believe you have done your best to raise and be a good mother to him. You said at 16 he was at a wilderness camp, and a therapy-setting boarding school that left emotional scars. So I assume he had behavior problems then. Unfortunately,  some of these places that suppose to help kids also abused them. He probably need professional help before it's too late. 

You also stated that he left a peace offering. So he knows and is sorry when he disrespects you. But it keeps happening over and over again. That's why you're not impressed. Do you think he could be bipolar?

I am so sorry to hear this bob. There is something he is holding in his memory that happened involving both of you. It was something that you did not realize it was anything important. So you probably don't even remember it clearly. Or perhaps something you did that unknowing to you caused your son to suffer for it. It might be such a personal thing in his mind that he finds it impossible to tell you about it. If he continues not to reveal whatever it is. It will just eat away in his mind.

 He WILL feel better if he shares it with you, but he don't know this yet.  He just thinks he cannot tell you whats in his mind because its too personal to him. One day he will tell you, I just hope its sooner then later

Tell him you are thinking of moving to another smaller place and that he might start looking for another place to live.  Help him look for places he can afford. Your just trying to get him adjusted to slowly push him out of the nest.

Just sent hin to Indonesia and put him in the religion school and he won't be your's and he will be a new man