unhappystepmom
my fiance and i have been together for 8 yrs and are getting married in June of this year. His daughter use to live with us when she was 17 and we had rules that she didn't like. she moved out on her own 3 yrs ago and We have gotten along ok since then but now in the past few months she has stopped talking to her dad. We move recently and stored a lot of her things in our basement because she moved to Ottawa, she is 22 yrs old. Her brother moved in with us and has to pay rent, he is 20 and works full time, for some reason she doesn't agree with that but anyway, she had a talk recently with my fiance and a lot of the conversation was geared towards me and is saying negative things about me. I told my fiance that he should not have to take her abusive words. I told him that if she wants to treat him badly then he should tell her to get her things out of our house and store them herself somewhere else. He said "she is my daughter why would I do that" I just think that if she can continuously treat him like shit then he should not do her any favors. Am I wrong and how should I deal with this. There is always some kind of drama about something I feel like i am coming between them and not sure if I should continue on with the wedding????? regretfully unsure!!
7 Answers
mycatsmom
witchway
She didn't like rules when she was 17 and she still doesn't care for them. Apparently there were no consequences for her negative behavoir then or now. So why do you think she'll all of a sudden change her ways now? It is unrealistic to expect her to act like an adult when she has never had any training in her up-bringing. You didn't create this problem and you can't fix it either. If your fiance doesn't handle this problem, then you'll have to step aside and let this be handled between the two of them. This is one part of the relationship, not the whole relationship. Seperate yourself from it and let Daddy handle it.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
Colleen
He's not going to change and neither is she. You need to remove yourself from the picture. You're never going to be happy as long as he continues to be daddy and not father to his adult kids. If you can not remove yourself from the house when they are together, just ignore them. Let him deal with his kids. Let his daughter treat him like dirt. Apparently he likes that kind of attention from her. Do not address her when she comes to the house. Ignore her and go to another room. If he has an issue with this, tell him it saves you from being treated like dirt by his daughter and saves you from seeing her treat him like dirt. This way you will not have to fight with him about how his daughter treats the two of you. This should make him happy and you can be happier not having to witness what bothers you. You should also think twice about marrying him until he learns how to let go of his kids and allow them to grow up. I think he may have a little growing up to do too.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
Tommyh
I have read all the answers & I have to say I agree with them mostly.There really isn't anything that you can do.The kid obviously still has issues with her parent's separation & you don't know what sort of encouragemant she is getting from her mother to cause this issue.The best you can do is leave it alone.It will take some time.perhaps a long time but eventually it may come good.For your own peaceof mind try to move around it & don't let it upset you.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
I May B Able to Help
You must speak with your future husband and give him an ultimatum of a sort, before you are married. It's time for him to step up with you and be a real husband/man. (He has to put you first) he needs to grow a pair, no offense meant, time to man up and pick you first. United you have to hold your ground and demand respect in your own house, hopefully you've both earned it. Time to make a decision and make your relationship a healthy one. Hope this will help you both make some tough decisions!?!?!
| 11 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
TBABY1957
FIRST , TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND THINK IF SHE WAS YOUR CHILD WHAT WOULD YOU DO...I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE..SHE ONLY 22YRS ..IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE COMING BETWEEN THEM... ..YOU ARE.... STAY OUT OF IT...YOU ARE MARRYING HER FATHER NOT HER...IF HE LETS HIS CHILD TREAT HIM LIKE POOP LET HIM WORK IT OUT WITH HER...HE HAS TO BE A GOOD MAN YOU SAID YES.... I KNOW IT HARD TO SEE THE MAN YOU LOVE GO THROUGH THIS.....BUT YOU WILL BE HAPPIER FOR IT....I'M GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING....THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU I'M NOT IN IT....I JUST TELL MY SWEETHEART DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILD SHE WILL GROW UP ONE DAY....PLEASE DON'T LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN YOU AND THE ONE YOU LOVE ......PRAYING FOR YOU
| 11 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
kaznavour
Somehow you must learn to live with the situation; if you can't you must be honest with fiancee and leave. I would calmly speak with him and explain that you do not want to come between them and wish things could be resolved so stress on everyone would be reduced; however, what he decides to do with his daugher is his business and you will always support him. Then keep being sweet to the girl and hopefully dad will be impressed with how constructively you are handling this and how destructively his daughter is, how happy you make him and his daughter doesn't, and then - happy wedding. (don't let this girl ruin the rest of your life,
| 11 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
