lindilou
If I help someone, could I potentially be delaying some inevitable outcome of sorts? Am I interfering with anothers' karma if I help or potentially interfere? What exactly is that fine line and how do I know it to see it? If I think I am helping but it feels like I am only interfering how can I diplomatically and without harm, bow out?? Here's the thing, I've helped someone by providing shelter, food, and essentially the comforts of home, however the 'guest' has overstayed their welcome. How do I send a homeless person out to be homeless again? Honestly, after 4+ months this deal is starting to smell like rotten salmon...HELP?
12 Answers
ROMOS
Time to "help" a little more Lindi, get out and about with your lodger and look for a suitable place for him/her to live, there may be some kind of agency or charity in your area who can help, you have did more than enough and your "guest" is now taking advantage of your kindness, the good Karma will all be yours eventually.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 14 | |
pythonlover
This person knows he is on a good wicket.The more you give, the more he will take.It's high time he starts to take responsibility and stand on his own two feet. If he chooses to be homeless "again", that is his problem, not yours.Actually there is one more thing you can do for him, pack his belongings and drop him at the train station.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 13 | |
sunnyB
Ducky
lindilou, your comment to ROMOS, "this type seems to seek me out" probably indicates that you might be known as "a good person to ask"? People who allow others to take advantage of them, are often repeatedly asked for favors. You can still help but set the boundaries BEFORE they move in. Examples...."You may stay here for three months, 30 days, two weeks, whatever YOU decide. By then, you must have your own place". You will also be required to do (dishes, vacuuming, laundry, cooking) again, whatever YOU decide. Don't set it up as a free ride and your "guest" won't expect it to be that. If the deadline is approaching and no progress appears to be happening, remind your guest, firmly, about his/her moving date!
| 11 years ago. Rating: 12 | |
doolittle
Lindi we must be related! This has happened to me twice- once 3 months turned into 7 and once 2 weeks turned into 6 weeks. Ducky is right. You aren't being mean asking the guy to leave..if you haven't set a time to go date do it today..."You've been here 4 mos and you need to leave by Feb 13th" That way you'll wake up on the 14th having given yourself a nice valentines gift- Peace.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 11 | |
hector5559
jhharlan
Be honest and ask him to leave. You don't have to give a reason be it good or bad. Just explain that it time for him to go and help himself. You've done you part. KARMA likes honesty, too.....
| 11 years ago. Rating: 10 | |
witchway
I see your problem has a happy ending for you, I'm glad. In my area, if you invite someone to live with you and they won't leave by your request, they have the right to stay until you go through an eviction process. That can take up to one year. So, the moral is - Be careful whom you invite into your home.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
Bob/PKB
I like the answers and what you did to solve your problem.
My thought is helpfulness becomes interference when one is trying to control someone else's destiny and/or has his own agenda...again, control. If you prevent the person you are helping from being productive and independent, that is interference.
| 11 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
figtree3
As the final step in helping, help them make an exit plan.
Explain that you didn't mean to help them live with you.
You are trying to help them find another resource that is suited for people in their situation.
You are happy that you helped to meet their immediate need and, you know that they will be
better off when they find something that will help them be more independent. After all, it's there life. Acquire a list of options for him, have them make the phone calls for themselves.
What has made them homeless?
Sorry, their already gone ! Well, next time.........
| 11 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
(also...bud...as in buddy ole pal o' mine!!)
lambshank
I'm so glad you have this sorted, I've also been in the same predicament, I still help people, and in fact know at times I'm really being taken advantage of, seems with some the more you do the less they try and more is expected, I help still, but from a different angle, I help find them help but by finding sources that are equipped to provide them the assistance they need , that is other than taking them in, or providing finances to "get them through" just rarely works and make you feel bad when you are no longer either willing or able to provide assistance yourself, I can't quite remember the old saying but it sort of goes "give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats forever" your a very kind soul
| 11 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
mycatsmom
