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    I have this as my english essay but I am over my word count, please can you help me cut it down to 700 words anyone?

    I personally believe that running away is leaving a home or an environment with guardians that you’re supposed to live in. Most likely I think that running away is an act you take with no permission; mainly when I think of running away I think of teenagers, as it is most common. Running away defines some significant words to me such as: dangerous and adventurous. A lot of people like me associate running away with a bad home situation or poor living conditions. Many people run away for many different reasons some more common than others. Now looking at an overview of three sources we can see a larger understanding in the different contributing factors of children runaways, and we can consider the reasons of why some children run away from home life and condition. My first source is a popular Marvel comic called Runaways which shows an adventure of six children who defeat their evil parents. My second source is an informative article as it is telling you how to find teen runaways, by Sue Scheff. And lastly my third source is a website devoted to helping teen runaways by funding street teams and making people aware of the consequences and seriousness of the situation.


    Runaways, the Marvel comic is shown on the website as a very colourful and exciting experience unlike the Sue Scheff article which is not visually aesthetic and ineffective along with a small title and a block of text which repels you from reading it. In the Marvel comic it talks about the children having a “new family” which is almost as good as blood. When running away most of the time you do not make “new families” and be happy and content – which seems that this comment is misguiding children who read it. Many heroes come along in the text such as ‘Captain America’ and it also has reference to x-men (Xavier Institute) which shows a positive and exciting atmosphere where you integrate with superheroes. In the Sue Scheff article she gives very harsh direct instructions – “CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE”. She considers the runaways as very distressed people and almost gives instructions that are very similar to how they would treat a criminal process. During the text she emphasises the word local as there is a lot of repetition symbolising that they could be close. But otherwise she is generally very negative towards the runaways and their behaviour. The marvel comic portrays running away as a mystical journey which helps you to get away from the horrors of home and in this consequence there is nothing much to be considered as the children are shown happy and fighting crime. On the other hand the Sue Scheff article shows the urgency of your child running away, and the horrific consequences of what could happen.


    In the Sue Scheff article she says “Do not waste any time in utilizing EVERY resource”. She brings across the emergency in this although this statement is ironic as there are many links around the text of her resource which will waste time. She also brings the idea that teens are not to be trusted as she puts her opinion across, “Teenagers will often stick together and lie for each other” and “Check everywhere teens hang out”. Runaways are shown as liars and deceptive, and her very stereotypical idea of gangs. The next source railway children is trying to be a lot more emotive as they are informing but are mainly trying to get people involved, donate, fundraise and also take part. The girl who is fading in and out is quite shocking. It shows her dishevelled, exhausted and gaunt. The effect of fading in and out has an effect that her personality and character is getting lost in the consequences of running away. The video which is a main feature on the website shows the journey of ‘Jessica’ a young girl who gets caught up in running away, an emotive video which leads to show her involved in alcohol, prostitution and drugs. The song in the background is by Florence and the Machine – ‘Shake it out’ which says things like “I can see no way, I can see no way” summing up the overall negative mind thought. “Every 5 minutes a child runs away from home in the UK” – facts displayed on the page are trying to make it emotive so people will help and the constant use of ‘child’ enforces innocence, and that it is more dangerous.

    +1  Views: 632 Answers: 4 Posted: 11 years ago

    4 Answers

    I haven’t read this, but I’ve learned to cut my writing words short. Go through it once and take out what’s not essential.  Then repeat the process until you’re at the right number of words. Do it like a game.  How many words are you supposed to have.  You just have to let go of stuff - sometimes your very favorite lines. Let us know.

    I rewrite my rewrites and fact check my fact checks, then edit my edits and it gets screwed-up more or less every time until I have to let it be.  

    itsmee

    I’ll bet it’s good - very good.

    Sorry Justin....uh...I mean deepnay.  We cannot do your homework assignment for you.  We are akaQA, a world wide forum answering general questions only.

    Ducky

    Moderator
    P.S. You'll be very famous one day if you can write like this at age 14. (Sure)

    A couple of edits to consider:  
    Paragraph 1:   
         RUNNING AWAY
     is leaving a home or environment where one is under the guardianship of someone. RUNNING AWAY is an act  taken without permission, and teenagers run away more often than any other age group. It conjures up adjectives such as dangerous and adventurous. Many associate running away with a bad home situation or poor living conditions, but the reasons are as numerous as the runaways. I chose three sources to help me understand contributing factors of children runaways, and some reasons children run away from home:  (1) A Marvel comic called Runaways which shows an adventure of six children who defeat their evil parents; (2)  an informative article about how to find teen runaways, by Sue Scheff; and (3) a website devoted to helping teen runaways. 


    9 Lines with an average of 15 words per line = 135 words


    14 Lines with an average of 15 words per line = 215 words     

    215 - 135 = 80 words saved. (I didn't actually count the words)


    In your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraphs, focus SOLELY on the content of each source.
    In your 5th - 6th paragraphs, note the similarities and differences on the sources.


    In your final paragraph or two, draw some conclusions of your own, based on what you have learned.  


    NEVER put "I" in this type of essay.  You are dealing with facts, not what you (or anyone else) thinks, according to your references.   Also, I suggest you delete ALL of this in your current second paragraph:



    Runaways, the Marvel comic is shown on the website as a very colourful and exciting experience unlike the Sue Scheff article which is not visually aesthetic and ineffective along with a small title and a block of text which repels you from reading it."   


    The appearance of the material has nothing to do with the topic of your essay. If the Scheff article is repellant, why would you include it in your essay?    44 words, YOUR opinion, which is NOT the focus of the essay. 



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