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At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

The Attorney General believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", the Attorney General said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

country bumpkin

Hahahahah!

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little

boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,

I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too

wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair

spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then

he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and

runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and

hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Guy is walking down the street and encounters a funeral procession with 2 hearses and ...
100 men walking behind. Says to another spectator."Wow, this is some procession. What happened?" "Well, in the 1st hearse is Joe's wife. They had a German Shepherd and had a fight. The dog, being partial to Joe, took a bite out of her jugular and she bled to death." "That's just terrible." "But it gets worse. In the 2nd hearse is Joe's mother-in-law." "What happened to her?" Again, the dog was partial to Joe. At the same fight, the dog ripped into her mid-section, chewed up her spleen and liver. Never heard anything like it." "Can I ask you a question?" "Certainly.' "Where can I get a dog like this?" "Get to the back of the line!"

Funny, I dont remember been absent minded. God grant me the senility to forget the people  I never liked anyway, and the good fortune , to run into the ones I do, and eye sight to tell the difference! Now that Im older.

                                     Some one liners.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

If all is not lost, where is it ?

I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.

Its hard to make a come back, when I have not been any where.

Kids in back seat, causes accidents.

Accidents in back seat, causes kids.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would of put them on my knees.

The punch line is "Pull, Ned, pull........"