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    Is it okay for a 18 year old to date a 24 year old?

    A few of the top contributers have really helped with some questions I've had in the past. I recently started seeing a guy that just turned 24 and I am 18, on our first date I learned he has a 6 year old little boy. I adore the way he treats him and would give up anything for that little boy. He told me he would let me meet him sometime, but I can understand that he is waiting to see if I am going to stick around or he's not serious. Is he legit in this for the long haul or just looking for a girl for a bit. I know people judge the age difference but we have talked about it and decided its not an issue. I don't know if he wants a relationship tho and I do, what do ya'll think?

    +4  Views: 886 Answers: 10 Posted: 12 years ago
    Deleted User

    Why he may not want you to meet his child is this child may get attached to you, this maybe one of his concerns.
    The other maybe the mother wants to know what kind of person her child would be around, thats what mothers do get all protective of their children :)
    AgGirl

    I know and I don't want to take her place, and I know his heart is that littlr boys, but mine is his

    10 Answers

    Firstly what are your intentions?


    Do you feel he has the right intentions? The age difference really isn't the issue, do you want to be a ready made mother , and knowing he has an ex with a child that person will be in his life refardless can you handle this?


    I think its about the path you wish to take and it all comes down to your gut instincts.


    Do YOU think there is a problem with you dating him? you must if you are asking for advice or its okay to date him, time to trust what you feel what your head tells you..


    Love is hard work its not a walk in the park there are always ups and downs.


    Good luck with what ever decision you make on this, your young enough to make mistakes :)


     

    AgGirl

    I never believed in love at first sight, and then i met him, and hearing he has a little boy didnt shake me for a second, made me want to be with him more. I am just consirned that hes not feeling what i am.
    Deleted User

    If you think that way maybe your feelings are right, have they ever let you down before?
    AgGirl

    If my feelings are right than that could mean he doesnt feel the way I do. I mean sometimes he's all in and sometimes he's dancing the hoky poky and only has the left foot in.
    Deleted User

    Well there is your answer :) trust your instincts a womans instincts are often right.

    Time. That's all there is to it, give it time and get to know each other better and well.  Colleen is right.....

    I see no problem with this as long as you feel you can handle the fact he is a father and his kid comes first and foremost in his life. Kids can make relationships hard. Make sure you are truly ready for all that. Give him time and prove yourself from the first time he has to break an engagement with you to look after his son. Remember too, this child has a mother which means your boyfriend has to interact with his ex a lot. Can you handle that? Be patient, you will be able to tell on your own if he is really into this for a relationship with you. Until then, check your heart, have fun and enjoy the ride. It's all a learning experience no matter which direction it takes. Learning is good ;)

    AgGirl

    Thanks Colleen, I was hoping you would comment on this. The more he shows how much he loves that little boy I begin to love him as well. After all he is part of him. He told me that the past 2 woman he has dated didnt like that he spent so much time and money on his boy, but thats his baby how could you complain to him
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Think about something......what will you do if you meet the child and find he does not like you? How would you deal with it? Check your heart even with the child. Kids need to earn love from others just the same as adults do. Kids can hurt us worse than adults can. Do not fall in love with an illusion. Meet him first and hope you two can hit it off and have a good relationship so you can have a great relationship with his father. Remember, no matter what, the dad will always side with his son if an issue should arise. This can make you feel like you are on the outside looking in. These are just possibilities, not fact but possibilities still that you should consider. This will tell you just how serious you yourself are about this relationship and the direction you want it to take.
    AgGirl

    That I understood that the second he told me. I'd never ask him to choose me over his child, I don't even know if I could want to be choose over his boys mom, becasue that is a part of his baby
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Well when it comes to his ex, yes, you should be first over her. She is the child's mother, yes. They share the child together but this does not mean she needs to take priority in his heart over anyone he enters into a life relationship with. He can respect her from the level that she is mother to his child but that's as far as he needs to go with her. It does not matter if she does not like you. What matters is you treat her son well. If your boyfriend were ever to let her get between you and him, then he would be placing her over you and then he would be no good for you.
    AgGirl

    You honestly made me feel alot better, I just want a chance
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Just ease up and don't worry so much. You have decades ahead of you. No need to rush. In the old days, courtships went on for a year or more before marriage was even a thought ;) Enjoy your time with him for as long as it's meant to be.

    Look before you leap.

    I guess I have two comments as I have been in relationships where kids were involved- 1st the child will always come first unless this guy is mature enough and strong enough to give his energy to both of you.  2nd- something strikes me funny..you say you are falling in love with him because he loves his child...I think it is heartwarming (and pretty normal) to love your own child BUT, to have a lasting relationship you need to truly love and like who he is (everything included) and visa-versa.

    AgGirl

    I do love that he shows his child love, it shows me he really does know love, but I do love everything about him, I mean the things that he thinks I won't be okay with or understand he talks to me about and it never makes my feelings for him less. Things the past couple days have made him seen alot more into this relationship, I started classes and on my times when im not in class he will come to hang out with me, he started holding my hand in public and even kissing me.
    doolittle

    It sounds nice. Keep both your heart and eyes open
    millie111

    I think this young lady shows maturity ..she is aware that the child is this man`s 1ST priority..and she seems to have given it a lot of thought as to whether it`s a go ..or no go!!..I like her!...@AgGirl...stay one step ahead with your thoughts..and follow your head and heart!..Good Luck to you!:-)

    An 18 year old female is often as mature as a 24 year old man, so there isn't really an age issue here.  Two years ago (16/22), it would have been a HUGE issue. 


    I am confused by this statement: . I adore the way he treats him and would give up anything for that little boy. He told me he would let me meet him sometime,
    If you haven't met the son yet, how do you know how your BF treats his son?  You have no frame of reference other than what you've been told.


    Please don't pressure to meet the Son.  When your BF is comfortable with your relationship and feels it is serious enough to include his son, he will.  Trying to push things is a little too pushy, in my opinion.  When he talks about his child, you can say (i.e.) "He sounds like such a sweetheart.  I hope I get to meet him someday."  
     

    You are both young and time is a wonderful friend for you both. Develop a friendship before you develop a relationship. And remember that honesty is the basis for both. Enjoy the journey my dear.

    WAIT: Look at it this way: Let's say you knew each other. 12 years ago, you were 6 and he was 12. He was twice your age. Too much of a difference.  Now at 24 and 18, he's less than 1.5 times your age. You're catching up. When you're the same age, who could possibly object?  

    ROMOS

    Always math huh?
    Clonge

    Yes. Always, like 55% against independence!
    ROMOS

    Now now, insults will not be tolerated.
    Clonge

    OK, then. 45% voted for independence. Hope you like this better!
    ROMOS

    I was one of the 1,809.003 YES, if only my ex wives had voted the same, and poor wee Alex has resigned, weepsy weep.
    I'm 18 years old an my boyfriend is coming up 26 we have both thougt about the rights and wrongs about us dating but seeing as we both feel the same about eachother we don't worrie to much about it it not like I'm 14 an dating a 30 year old
    Being 18 makes me n adult an my am my boyfriend both know I don't act like one haha
    It's not how mature u are or how smart or how old u like its how u feel about each other
    So what if people say it's bad who cares about them
    Heck my boyfriend mother hates me an talks trash about me every time I go over
    But he stands up for me and we love each other an are currently trying to have a child
    :)
    Colleen

    Moderator
    Why are you trying to have a child? 1. You're not married. 2. There are family issues. 3. Get married, have a stable family life, own a home and THEN have a child.

    yes.



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