Bob/PKB
My sister started in on me this evening; she's been holding back for months and this is the first time we have seen each other where she could uncork and spew like a volcano. My son got an earful, and when she finally left, his remark was, "You know, Mom, we all have dirty hands in this. It really doesn't matter HOW dirty they are."
I didn't argue with her; no defense, no counter-attack, no "stirring of the pot". She had the first, last, and most of the words in the middle.
What do YOU do when you find yourself in a verbal brawl? Do you have to have the last word??
20 Answers
FISH-O
Best answer!
I let them do their thing. I meditate when all is said and done. Then, if I have a nice bottle of wine in the pantry, I uncork it, pour a glass and sit on the back porch with my trusty dog and have a little think.
Your sister is always going to be your sister.
Your sister is always going to do the things she does as that is her journey.
The grandest thing on the planet earth when times are a bit tough is a good relax and a nice glass of wine. You live in a part of the world where they just happen to grow some mighty fine grapes. I do as well.
Tomorrow, it really doesn't matter what she said. Tomorrow, you are still on your journey.
Things are going to happen any way... and words will be spoken. It doesn't mean that it actually applies to you. I learned this lesson the hardest way imaginable.
Be free to live your life. Quit beating yourslelf up. You are doing your work even if you feel you are not. I see it.
xoxox K
| 12 years ago. Rating: 26 | |
pythonlover
I don't think i could just sit back and be accused or abused without defending myself, especially if there was a lot of untruths that came out in the confrontation.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 19 | |
Ann
Dardaigh
It depends on the individual and the type of discussion.
My sister is the same...it seems they just want to "vent"...
and they will always feel that they are right , no matter
what you say. So, I just let her get it out of her system.
These individuals are not very pleasant to be around,
however, so I generally avoid her at all costs...and she
knows it.
Nasty things are said in the heat f the moment and are
then out there in the universe...they can't be taken back.
Many times you may get an apology afterwards for what
was said but that is just a cop out. They wanted you to
hear that stuff. So, I will walk away...because I don't
need the agro and I have nothing to prove. Funny, it's
only my sister who can be that nasty. I get along great
with my two brothers.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 19 | |
Shootah
A lot depends on the subject itself. Nowadays, I just don't find that I have to stand around to validate someone's subject matter as being worthy of my putting up with them verbally spewing like a broken water main in the middle of town. I try not to go off on other people, and I expect the same level of respect in return. I don't think that is asking much in a civilzed setting.
Much more is gained by asking someone for a minute of their time, and sitting down to earnestly talk with that person, rather than talk at them. Negotiation, compromise, or understanding are gained through people listening to one another, not two people yelling at each other. That might be construed as venting, but it is also someone's striving for dominance in an encounter.
When an aggreived or angry participant is willing to sit down and talk like a normal human being, everyone walks away having gained something. On the other hand, when one person is screeching their lungs out at another, one person tends to walk away hurt or insulted while the other probably feels like an idiot afterwards. Not only the forementioned is likely to occur, but in the heat of the moment, that is exactly when people are most likely to say things they perhaps shouldn't have. Once something is said in anger, it's out there and there's no undoing it...and it is the sort of thing that divides families for years.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 19 | |
sunnyB
I used to but not anymore, It only gets you all wound up and does you no good at all. Sounds as if you just took it without retaliating but it's upset you, as Fishlet said sit back have a drink you didn't say anything to be sorry about, sounds like you handled it well.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 18 | |
Colleen
I would have tossed her out.I have a brother who did that to me. I do not speak to him anymore. Does that give me the last word? No one disrespects me. Not even family.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 16 | |
Yes, I would have liked my son to tell his aunt to take a hike. Clean and sober, though, he's polite to a fault.
The best thing, after all the bruhaha was over, police gone, etc. he turned to his GF and me. "You know," he said, "during this whole ordeal, I never once thought about using. It never even crossed my mind."
It was a VERY nasty ordeal and that comment was the bright spot of the night. Very bright spot!
As adults, my sons can schmooze with whomever they choose. Unfortunately, my sister is among those for the youngest.
Chiangmai
jhharlan
robertgrist
Being easy on myself is as good as it gets in a verbal brawl. I know the other person is upset and that does not mean I should be upset too. So I say a string of “Thank you-s” and “ I had no idea…Thank you” and the like to their complete exhaustion. No need to pry in for a few more regaling blasts from the past ….Thank you, thank you and well….thank you. I had no idea you felt like that…thank you so much for telling me….yes…and thank you. Yes, I do know how it feels to sink your fangs into someones neck and suck the last drop of blood out to leave them as a quivering cadaver drained of all life. Thank you for reminding me of that and how is your day and thank you for giving me the last word.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 13 | |
Clonge
When I'm right, definitely, except for encounters with a few moderators here. Sometimes, one has to just "suck it up."
| 12 years ago. Rating: 10 | |
I certainly didn't understand the comment on wanting to sit on the wicked witch from the Hallmark Christmas ornament.
The moderators represent the wishes of the majority of the members. Thank goodness.
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Tommyh
"Sticks & Stones' Remember that from primary school? I have always found the best retort for these people is"Nothing YOU have to say could offend me. "
| 12 years ago. Rating: 9 | |
Dollybird
Chaplin Don, I wish I could say amen, and walk away. But when Im right then Im right. Why let some one put me down. ?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 9 | |
facebook
My understand no one is 100% right at any time , so give and take it like men, bend over if you need to. or are you too proud to show your weakness. Ans your question is no I don't need the last words even if I know that I'm right or wrong. I just let them have the pleasure of having their say .
| 12 years ago. Rating: 8 | |
Chaplin Don
JaimeGales
ed shank
hector5559
