14 Answers

The one word answer is NO!

No,.  Abusers will always be abusers.

The same answers you got in your first questions will be the ones you get here. It's up to you to believe or not > http://www.akaqa.com/question/q19192080516-Can-you-fall-back-in-love-with-someone-who-once-abused-you-but-has-now-changed 

FROM>>>http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8477&cn=2<<<Partner abuse may take many forms. Destruction of property, psychological and emotional abuse, and physical and sexual assault are all common forms. On the milder, but still quite serious side, domestic abusers threaten victims, use verbal put-downs and derogatory names, attempt to publicly humiliate them, and play manipulative mind games. Abusers are often jealous. They may attempt to limit their victim's access to family, friends or employment so as to keep them under better control and away from "outside negative influences" (e.g., away from people who might try to talk sense into them). Abusers efforts to limit victims outside contacts may result in victims not being able to stay in contact with family and friends, being unable to seek employment, or losing employment (due to absenteeism or decreased productivity secondary to abuse). In its more severe forms, partner abuse may involve physical and sexual violence against adult partners as well as child and even family pet victims.

I wouldn't think someone like that would change so that you could trust them. Remember the old saying a leopard never changes his spots.

Statistically they don't. The only thing that changes is their behavior to get you back, and then it slowly starts to happen all over again. You, or your situation is not unique. Matter of fact, if you looked at the stories behind that of domestic abuse victims who have been murdered or maimed by their abuser, it is all the same. The lying to bring you back is part of their pattern of behavior.

You have the chance to get away from that...why don't you? Do you like being abused? I very much doubt anyone does! Take this opportunity to better your life, and move on...no one deserves to live a life of abuse, regardless of what kind of abuse it is. No one has license over another human being to abuse them, for any reason! Don't act stupidly about this and give up the chance to get away from that kind of life. You deserve better in life than that, everyone does!

Keep asking this question, change the wording. The answers are not going to change though and neither will the abuser. In one word, NO............

They can and they do....just long enough to get you back!  I'll guess that he is telling you that he is so sorry, he still loves you, he can't live without you, he realizes that everything was his fault, not yours, he wants to start over, he'll change, it will never happen again...blah, blah, blah, blah....

ONCE AN ABUSER ALWAYS AN ABUSER.....STOP ALL CONTACT NOW AND FOREVER!

BTW, does he hit the cashier at the grocery store if she isn't fast enough?  (Of course not.)  So think about it...please.

(Warning: This story could be very emotional for some people, specially  for victims of abuse! Seek someone you trust, a friend or helper, if you really want to read it. )

It's crying inside my heart to see your question for the second time.

In my life I have had many help conversations with people who were abused, mostly woman. Sometimes they come up with their body full blue spots or -eye, tell me that they are cases of the staircase. But the fear in their eyes, which look around for safety, for a way out, tell me enough; He could be there again, telling that she indeed did fall and how he saved her, controlling her again and at home concluded his punishment and if he is ready give her the rewarding rape because she deserves love. Sometimes I got them as far they even tell there story to the police and a doctor confirms the damage as most certain abused, they got out to get the abuser but confronted  with him she plays he's innocent, get in his arms and they have to let them go.

Some abusers are specialist in their dirty work and do not leave traces. But the worse thing abusers do is leaving there scars on the inside, physically or in spirit, make the victims feel dirty, let them feel they needed him/her as leader and make it so they feel lonely without them. When they got away they can't talk about it because going to the police is, without talking about the taking of evidence, the fear to again meeting him, the fear losing their lives, the shame telling in court what happened, the accusations to lie so some choose to silence, some forever.

It's crying inside my heart to see how often victims buried their past, sometimes behind multiple personalities, believing noting has happened, going on with their lives with the use of medication and all seems going alright till their need of love met a lovely partner who is so remarkably good that he gain her trust, got together and starting to 'work' on a child. Then the flashbacks are starting and eventually they seek for help. Sometimes I met them and then I see the cry in her eyes and the sadness in his. Its very difficult to keep them together. But she's still longing for love denies her fear and past and is looking for love, even with her or another abuser. God knows people need love, can't go on without love can't live without it, some won't to live without it.

At the moment I'm helping a mother and two children (4 and 11) for 4 months now all three abused, the mother for almost 40 years, the children from their first going trough a rough time now, but with the help from what we call heaven, who reach out in love for their children, I reached just yesterday a point of rest in their lives, sleeping for the first time in peace with Jezus and Maria at their side.

The mother also wanted to get back to her abuser and even the children because he looks so much as a nice person so their feel guilty, but now their awakened and feel free from him and their father and mother/grandfather and grandmother. We have still a long way to go, some things are never forget, but the mother found for the first time in her life a true lover also with children who has prove to have his heart on the right place and is making the children happy as a real father. Thank you Lord!

It's crying inside my heart to see how you Kelly are not yet free, didn't find love elsewhere and possibly fall for your abuser again. I wrote this specially for you to reach out in love, to ask to open your heart for the prayers, I know some included me has done them for you, to the Lord to help you to gain strength and to choose for yourself and give the final 'no' to him. So stand up, this is the first day of the rest of you life, seek help and get your life going because you deserve it!

In peace Puran.

(if a mod think this is to heavy for this site, please feel free to remove it.)

Ducky

Thank you Puran, for helping those who are in this situation. It takes a lot of understanding and much patience to deal with the abused, as by the very nature of it, they have a tendency to return to the abuser, again and again. They are often victimized even more, by those who would call them "stupid" (commonly implied) and who refuse to learn about abuse and what it does to the victim. Thankfully, with help such as yours, some do "get out and stay out". I, for one, appreciate your efforts.

My ex-husband  was emotionally abusive - something hard to put your finger on, but very real. Having been given some of his behavior with his first wife, she suffered,  too. Now, 6+ years with wife #3, it may be that he is different - or maybe he's too old to keep screwing around....or she has the upper hand. 

most of them can't or won't change. It's so deeply ingrained in them. They don't want to go to counceling or  group therapy for abusers. They claim the alchohol did it.....that they are blameless, b/c they were drunk. They won't stop drinking.

Ducky

Some abusers neither drink nor drug. They abuse while being clean and sober, yet it's the first question that people ask. "Does he/she drink or use drugs"?

Having "chosen" to be a victim of domestic violence for many years I finally got out, the cycle of violence and abuse doesn't change, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find a life away from this situation. It doesn't change, nor will he.

No!

the sad truth is that if you have been abused by a lover than how can you ever forget being hurt. The abuse cuts too deep to forget and one day you will probably hate this person. I think once he hurts you the scar remains and is a hard act  to forgive. 'Are you really willing to take a chance that could cause a life of sadness