16 Answers

I'll have to hand it to my mom, she never said a bad thing about my natural dad, she let us grow up and discover what a trash/bum he really was...................

Ducky

Better to figure it out on your own. :(

I don't believe in lying to a child, but I suppose sometimes they have to be protected from some things when they a very young, but I think they should be told everything as they grow up.But in your case if they have been told horrible things that were  not true it's a different matter, then the person who told the lies was completely wrong.

If the things that were said were not true, I would say that was a horrible and most selfish thing for that parent to do. It's wrong on a number of different levels.

There is often much more to these stories than what first appears on the surface.  You may not have all the details/reasons/circumstances yet. You may not want all of them, either.  Besides, you cannot go back and "fix things".

Ducky

Understand. Very difficult all the way around and I DO empathize lambie.

yep.Eggy hit the nail right on the head.These days when divorce/separation is so fashionable it is life.Unfortunately.

If my spouse went to jail for murdering someone, I'd probably hide that information from my child.  It's hard to be a child as it is.

That's life.

Never met my Bio father. Asked my mother about him for thirty some years and she refused to have any discussion about him.I did eventually find him in Europe through relatives. His response to me at my initial contact was "never call here again". I hated them both for a very very long time. Like Eggie said, "that's life".

I agree with eggplant on this one.

I am guilty of lying to my 7year old grandson, but what can i do.His father is a drug addict and does not care to see his son, so i tell the little boy that his father lives overseas and one day his dad might make the trip to see him.This is my way for now , to protect my grandson from the harsh reality that his dad wants nothing to do with him.

I believe it is wrong. By telling the child terrible things about his father, it  must have had some psychological impact on a totally innocent child. I dont know anyone this has happened to in my family or circle of friends..

Parents should not bad-mouth each other to their children.  Period. End of subject.
Look who got hurt in all the answers....the innocent child.

I was lied to all my life, I visited a grave that was my "my fathers" for many years, he  was not my dad, and as it turned out was my uncle, my sister is his daughter, so I guess we are really only half sisters, I detest the the lies I grew up with, it effected me, the health issues with my children, not to mention they were deprived of a poppy and me a father, I love him dearly , we still keep in touch, but I will never, ever forgive the deception , I;m happy he is alive and well living in Brisbane but it would have saved me a lot of of pain and anguish had either he or my mother had the intestinal fortitude  to tell me the truth before I got to my 40's

Ducky

There may be some details that you don't have? Often there is "the rest of the story" that remains forever untold. Sad but true.

Ducky

It must feel awful. :(

Mind your own business!This sounds like a bit of gossip...which can lead to slanderous conjecture and approximations that completely miss the mark.Whatever happened is gone now and people will do what they do for reasons only they know.Slander and defamation of character are illegal in some places so use caution when meddling in others' concerns.Peace.

I believe as long as it's to protect the child from the TRUTH versus attempting to turn the childs feelings/caring against the absent parent.  Some children need the truth hidden from them, NO DOUBT.