15 Answers

Puleeeeese!  Here's the script........"I don't love her anymore.  I love you (new girlfriend) and one day, I will marry you.  Right now though, her and I have to live together because we just can't afford two places.  Honestly, we sleep in separate bedrooms and it's only you that I truly love.  You know that, don't you?"  (Yes dear I believe you.)  Well good, now I must run. See you tomorrow, honey, love ya.  xo" 

 Now, 4 years later........Attention:  New Girlfriend....Have you not seen this in the movies?

Ducky

Don't hold back caddam.

Don't know which of the characters in this insane situation you are, but the ex, has to become a real ex. If your the dude, your spineless. If your the new girlfriend your an idiot. 

There is no ex in the picture,  sounds like they are very much still together.You are making a fool of yourself for believing that she is his ex.I would leave them to it.

He might do better if he moves in with his other mother !

He doesn't realize they are finished, he thinks that he's grounded :)

You have two choices...either continue to play sloppy seconds to his ex (ya right, lets refer to her as his present girlfriend) and keep telling yourself the lie that you already know or let him go and find someone that has no baggage! When was it in your life that you began to think your worth so little?

Ducky

Lack of self esteem rears its ugly head, once again. :(

I actually had a friend who fell for this.  It was sad to watch, ended very badly and the fellow stayed with the ex-girlfreind.  This was a ridiculous situation.  My friend was lying to herself. 

The "New" four years into the relationship girlfriend should find a decent and honest man.  The kind of man who puts her first and isn't full of cow dung.

Ducky

Same here but he was married. "One day, sweetheart...blah, blah, blah". She asked my opinion, I gave it, she continued anyway, she's still single, he's still married...one broken heart! (And it isn't his!)

This is the biggest bunch of horse pucky I have ever heard ! You think nothing of yourself ,have no respect at all . You play second fiddle to this other woman and here s a big hint its not over !!!! No women keeps ex- baggage around for years if she's not sleeping with it . You are the mistress in waiting nothing more . Its convenient for you so you lie to yourself because you want to believe. SAD !!! There are other issues at play here allowing this enabling to go on . Better take a hard look at everything and get your head out of the sand . You are wasting time on a good for nothing Melvin milktoast indivudal. Quit being a door mat !

Too bad for all the players in this scene.     Reads strongly like a mid life event for the guy.  Unsatisfied at home and unfortunately without the resources to face and fix the situation.   Never learned how to face adversity and avoids problems instead.    Gets reinforcement for his manhood and relief from guilt and loneliness by having  created love interest.       Everyone here will be a looser because time will change perspectives and history will repeat itself.                   Too dam bad because its all fixable.          

AS for the girl friend, she's a victim, a culprit, delirously in love with a fanthom and destined to become another cheating dude's toy.   

This could  be another book

So, everyone is telling you to dump him. that he's not being honest, that there is no "ex", you must feel pretty rotten.  And you will feel even more rotten if you continue with this charade....

After 4 years? You'll still be begging for scraps of affection forever! You knew the answer before you asked!

Pretty unthinking of the bloke, and pardon my saying so. It is a situation where "the best of both worlds" or "eat your cake and have it". Neither can be done. He stays with the ex girlfriend, he follows her regulations. And the girlfriend of his, is a chump for  accepting the status quo. My bets are that he and his ex girlfriend are still having a little thingy going on, and neither of them wants to part  company from the other, either part shared expenses, etc, boyfriend has no place to go? Too new into a relationship with the girlfriend so "is the known devil better than the unknown" one.?  10 to one, the girlfriend will take a dive, and he will still have his old knicker strings to hold on to :). If you are a friend of the girl, tell her to ask the guy to leave, if you are a friend of the guy, tell him to find alternative accommodation, if you are friend of his girlfriend, tell her that she needs a shrink and fast :).

4 YEARS??????????  What kind of drugs are these people on?

There is no ex find a new suitor or move in and have an honest threesome relationship as that is what you basically have at the moment it's up to you screw them both at once or do the wise thing and move on asap

wow not such uncommon situation doolittle exspecially in these hard times!! i also live in my house with my ex domestic partner who took me to court to end our domestic partnership and i did not attend the court hearing i have my reasons for missing court but i really thought it was a joke thinking what does he want me to give back his promise ring! i did not know he was going for the house and every other stupid thing he could because he hit me the  courts restrained him from the house for a year where we lived i didnt but thats not the point point is the judge still gave him the house but he also knew he was full of crap saying that he payed all the bills morgage....when he lived a county away in college for the last two years so he put a judgement of 5000 with interest and also a lean on the house he just gave him if he doesnt pay the judgement ! well i also did nothing to collect this judgement so far due to the fact that i have been living there on and of  mostly on for the last 6 yrs and have payed nothing and figured i will not persue the judgement wich he has no $ to garnish he cant even pay the morgage for the house he stole from me .he works for the owner to catch up on morgage payments. house is a land sale contract no bank involved.  he  would of lost the house long time ago if bank financed hes four months behind on morgage  now i  am being horassed followed and anything elsa he can get away with.he jst got out of jail for hitting me again! wich  i could of  pressed charges and since this is his 3rd strike prison ! i didnot but the judge again told him for the next three years the da or dv org or himself even hears he even said boo to me there will be no question case gets reopened with or without my permission and off to prison he goes!you think hed stop and leave me alone. ah no, he accuses questions harrasses me about my boyfriend who he does not like.to damb bad we are divorced from a nonmarriage per his doing i can date santa and the reindeer if i want and have frosty on the side!! he has no say but hes getting to close again ,and wants me out of the house!no im not going anywhere he offered to pay me a 1000 if id move out. oh sure when the judgement of  5000 @7% interest for the last six yrs you do the math!of course i just laughed in his face go get me kicked out like you did before i want to see what the judge has in store for you this time! all because he doesnt like my boyfried he thinks i should have some sort of respect for his feelings because he is letting me live there! pay me my 12000 or so and ill be on my way or get me evicted for what ever bull you can come up with or keep up your shit, and off to prison you go ! who i date does not pertain to the judgment! he moved me in and i have more witnesses then gods has angels including the police.get away from him if you can, its abuse what hes doing to you!! i know the pattern it starts with your clothes,makeup ,,,then the phone food friends.then  goes to him answering the phone prtending hes you to get info from your friends!!!! to stealing your phone reading your txt your mail...,stalking you at your work to slap to punch to broken bones sometimes rape isolation from your friend family...till hes got you weak and cops get sick of answering the calls for help!!then you have to start getting evidence,photops,witnesses,police records ...to finally be heard!! it really shitty way to live!!!! i have my reasons for doing what i am and wasting the last 10yr of my life mainly because i no longer have one! because i didnt get help!he isolated me from the start, i just  for some reason was froze in his madness!!!  his 3 month in jail for the last assault was my window to get my shit together rescources,records,witnesses,...voice recordings, photos you have to be a detective a sneak a thief aliar all to get his friends to talk or him to slip to get proof its HORRIBLE you become everything you(i HOPE)hate in someone elsa if they did to you!GET HELP NOW BEFORE YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE FIGHTING FOR YOUR  SANITY BACK im am in no way glorifiying this behavior from the abuser or what the abused becomes,both are straight up crazy! im not glorifying what im doing in any way! no winners in this mess!!!GET HELP TELL A PARENT FRIEND...NO JOKE ITS ABUSE!!!!! i hope that you take yhis advice seriously!!!