melandrupert
9 Answers
melandrupert
Yesterday I opened the door to a well dressed Man carry a vacum cleaner
God Morning the young man said "if I can take a few minutes of your time ,I would like to demostraight the very lastest in high-powered vacum cleaner
"Go away" I said I havent any money, Im Broke! and proceeded to close the door
Quick as a flash, the young Man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "dont be too hasty!" he said Not until you have seen my demonstration!
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hall way carpet, If this vacum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet ,
I will personally eat the remainder"
I stepped back and said "well I hope you,ve got a f**cking good appetite, because they cut off my electricty this morning,
What part of BROKE do you not understand?
| 12 years ago. Rating: 24 | |
figtree3
I was at WalMart buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog , in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ???!!! So on impulse I told her that NO, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. ...now that you've read it I have to confess, I copied it from someone else.. share and make someone else smile today.
| 12 years ago. Rating: 15 | |
friendindeed
I was shopping and had 12 tins of creamed rice. The lady behind me said 'you must like creamed rice' to which I said 'I am going on a beautiful cruse. 'why then are you buying so much creamed rice' I said ' it is really good for sea sickness' She said 'does it stop you becoming sick. I said ' No it does not stop you getting sick but when you are it looks a lot cleaner on the deck
| 12 years ago. Rating: 12 | |
ROMOS
hector5559
daren1
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
| 12 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
Chiangmai
Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
| 12 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
caddam
The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the
Texas ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting
or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would
then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club
and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood
up, tipped his hat back and said,
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here.
These coyotes ain't f--kin' our sheep; they're eatin' 'em!"
| 12 years ago. Rating: 7 | |
valR
The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself.
"After all!" he thought. "I AM the CEO!"
He pulled up to a very old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the impeccably groomed CEO. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Get lost, Mister fancy suit!" said the old man. "I haven't got any money" and he proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his perfectly polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!"
"I got a better idea" said the old man, "If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!"
"Fine, sir!" said the CEO confidently, with a condescending smile. "I'll give you my clothes!"
"Lemme ask you somethin', pal...Where are you goin' when you leave here?"
The CEO answered very confidently: "To a VERY important conference! WHY?"
"Will they let you in if yer barefoot?" said the old man.
"Of course not!" said the CEO.
"How much did you pay for those socks you'v got on?" asked the old man.
"Thirty dollars" said the bewildered CEO. "Why?"
"I ain't never worn thirty dollar socks before!" said the old man. "It will be kinda hard for you to wear overalls to work, I guess!" said the old man.
"WHAT?!" said the confused CEO.
"And will you show how me to tie a necktie?" said the old man...
One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared.
A bare foot.
He stepped out into the hallway - dressed now only in overalls and bare feet. His expensive executive suit and tie had vanished, along with his confidence and dignity.
The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO's thirty dollar socks and gleaming shoes.
"Now I gotta see about payin' that electric bill..."
| 12 years ago. Rating: 5 | |
