4 Answers

Don't know can you not get help with her care from Social Services my wifes family did with her 93old Grandma

I'm not sure what you mean by "being held responsible"....by whom?  for what?  and what would be the result?   I know that you and your sister are in a very difficult postion and are likely very stressed and feeling frustrated.  Try to keep in mind that your mother is trying desparately to hang on to her independence and likely doesn't feel that she is "so old/feeble that she needs her kids to look after her"....even though YOU see that she DOES!  Some kind of respite care or in-home health care service may give the two of you, a well-deserved break. Check the telephone book/internet for such services as there are many of them around. 

As long as you have done everything that a layman can do in this situation, there is no legal recourse. Document what you do on a regular basis. Witnesses are also a plus should you ever get a visit from the appropriate investigating agency.

I understand what you mean by 'being held responsible'. I am Medical Power of Attorney over two elderly family members. First, are you or your sister your mothers MPOA? Second, is she on a Medicaid Waiver? Depending on the state you reside in the Medicaid Waiver can be a blessing, and later a problem. However, you may want to check into the laws in your state, perhaps call your Attorney General Office, they can help with such questions about the laws. I am MPOA over my blind Uncle. His doctor sent him out of state to a nursing home regardless of my wishes, which was so wrong! He still had a high-rise apartment I was taking care of financially for him, and he was going to sign himself out of the nursing home and come back his home. I was told by state officials, that the doctor says he can't be home alone. Therefore, if he signs himself out, it will be "self abuse", the state will come in, take what little property he has, and 'committ him" wherever they choose. I was SHOCKED this could be done. He was permitted care-givers daily under the medicaid, so would have some help if he was permitted to come home. BUT, seeing I am his MPOA, I was told that I too would be in trouble for neglect or abuse because I am considered his guardian and I could have stopped him from coming home.  I have a lawyer for him as well as working with the Veterans Nursing home to get him back in his home state. I have tried to keep his wishes to be independent as much as possible, that is very important as well as his care. I don't know how our situation is going to end up; it has been a nightmare!  Please check into the laws of your state and find out about In-Home Senior Care. But also make sure they give you the laws that are attached to doing so, especially if your mother owns property.  I agree, yoru mother wants to hold on to her independence; it is a hard thing to let go of. She is very blessed to have her daughters care so much! My sister and I also did shifts when our mother was critical and then needed rehabilitated....Our family has seen so much of this elder care problem in the past two years, I think my sis and I could write a book:)  I hope I have helped some. Just have so much info. in my brain from experience.