1 Answer

The frenchhorn.net.

A Quick Bar of Musical Amusement

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.

How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?

Have them miss every other note.

How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes.

What do you get when you cross a Horn player and a goal post?

A goalpost that can't march.

How many Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Why is the French horn a divine instrument?

Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.

How do horn players traditionally greet each other?

"Hi. I played that last year."

OR

"Hi. I did that piece in middle school."

What is the difference between a squirrel and a French horn player in the back of a taxi?

The squirrel is probably going to a gig. (Submitted by Ronald Schroff)

How many horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

100, one to change it, and a 99 others to say how much better they could have done it.
(Submitted by Matt Eckenhoff)

How can you know a horn player is coming to you?

The doorbell has missed the tune.