9 Answers

The first 15 years were fine. He's 19 years older. You're 45 now, that makes him 64 years old now. The first 15 years of your marriage was fine. Then over the next 12 years he got progressively worse or did he just over night become a monster? He would have been 45 years old when he changed. Mid life crisis? He was 61 when you divorced him. He's 64 years old now. Feeling his age? Afraid to die alone? Typically controlling, abusive, manipulative, narcissistic people don't suddenly just come into that type of behavior. It's something they've always had and have cultivated all their lives. They certainly do not hide it for 15 years. If your first 15 years showed no sign of this behavior, then you really need to think back to when you first notice the new him and if there was something that triggered this change in him. I personally think he needs to see a doctor because I think this might be a mental thing. Maybe a chemical imbalance of some kind.

Do a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) on him immediately.  Now he knows that someone is watching him.  If he sends someone to bother you, the court may consider that a form of violation of the TRO.  

Now, with him out of sight, you will begin to plan your next step without being nervous all the time.

Finally, be happy.

Lady, I really feel sorry for you but not in a sympathetic way. You know what is best for you and you won't follow through on it. You say this guy is 'paying' your family and friends to not support you? WTF kind of family and friends do you have? Friends that can be bought to not be your friends clearly are not friends. I really don't know what to say about family members doing same, this is just beyond my reasoning. Girl you need to pack you chit and get out of there as fast as you can, you already have him dead in 5 years anyway, why wait. Unless you are sticking around for the money which he obviously has. ou have a case, you'll get it anyway. You don't love him, you are mesmerized by him. He's a loser and if you are so emotionally torn, you have no alternative, get outta there. Get with it, don't sit around on your butt feeling sorry, go get the job done, you are still young, you have a full life ahead, use it wisely, you only get one.. (and for the religious group here-- You only get one life on earth.)

Good luck!

Your akaQA support team junior member Vinny
LOL

Are you still with this guy? You said 'was married' If you divorced him then stay divorced, move on. If you're still married to him, get un-married. If everything I read is true, then you need to move on. Why does he keep tabs on you? Do you have a new lover in your life? There's too many holes in this story to put a finger on it. He obviously has his side.. But based on your side of the story, I say move on. He must have reason for his actions, care to share?

Dear Lord Girl! You need family and friends for support. Get into group counseling NOW!

Remember to document everything, no matter how small. It adds up! Relocate if you can. Get on FB. I had a problem with teachers abusing my disabled son. A woman got in touch with me 2,000 miles away. She help solve my problem. There are people out there that will give information freely.

Anyone that would turn against you because of an angry spouse isn't a friend or any family you want. I know out of loneliness you will reach out to these people. DON'T! Your just giving him more fuel.

Get an unpublished number, put a code name on everything! Without the code he can not disconnect your electric, and phone...etc.... Get a PO BOX. Go on line and goggle how to be safe from abusive man.  Drop these people, do not allow them into your life.

This will drive him crazy. The best revenge is to live, happily without him. Let him screw up, then nail his ass to the wall! If he can not get at you through old friend and family, he will move on to other things. Be careful! Talk to a police officer, ask them what to do. This is a paper trail you want! If you have to go to court, you have proof, you tried to stop he legally. Keep a record of time and dates of when you changed your phone number, got a PO Box, everything!!!!

Take a camera with you everywhere! And a whistle. You can get one at sporting section in Wal Mart/ K Kart. Blow it if he comes near you! Tell the police you are afraid for your life.

When the police are called on you, stay calm! Do not scream, shout, or fight. No matter what. They will take you in. Stay in control of yourself. Police are taught, only criminals will fight. It's bad training. If you stay calm, they usually will listen to you! Remember anyone can be arrested! ANYONE! That doesn't mean your guilty!

Keep your chin up and Fight back! You married a man to old for you, more of a daddy figure. He kept you down all these years. Getting independent will be difficult. You desperately need counseling! It will help you regain control of your life. Good Luck!

pay them more to lie

You are divorced and he still hurts you? Why don't you move to somewhere else far from him? Disconnect any relationship with him and move on with your own life?

im in group therapy learning to be independant instead of co-dependant ,and i will survive. im smart nice looking,i like to help people,and i wont give him the satisfaction to bring me down ever again. besides hes gonna be 65, whats the life expectancy these days???? 70 ?

vinny he is making me the bad spouse to cover up his infedlity,and manipulating ,pathological lying,controling self. i have no one in my life,he does. he has taken all my so called freinds from me even some of my family, by telling them who knows what lies and paid them to not help me if i need it. his goal....leave me with nothing....and he is so good at this they beleive him, but they do not know what kind of person he is when we are alone.he has emotionaly and mentaly abused me. what i wrote isnt even a taste of the evil things he done to hurt me. he has told me i was a fuck up, he went home smelling like dirty sex,and then says nothing happened, well a mans thing dont smell like fish, unless hes f-----g with some dirty p---y. you see vinny im not 14 anymore im 45( and a goodlooking 45 latina) i started to notice his cheating and he hated that. so he wanted out, but he is so coward he had to keep our marriage going ,instead of ending it then.he planned all of this . he says i got to old for him hes 19 years older...GO FIGURE, im not the young vulnerable girl i was when we met ...well he isnt all that either never has been,he told me everything a young girl wants to hear, and i fell for it. we had it good the first 15 years of marriage then it started going down. so its about him , im still trying to figure out why, and i wont get that answer. ladies.. grow old with someone your own age