Cuddles0514
My daughter invited me to Seattle to celebrate her 29th birthday. I hadn't seen her for 1.6 years, I made reservations to come. I told her that we would go to Portland and we would stay for a weekend in an expensive Hotel and party with her Portland friends. She decided to ask her girlfriend and her best friend (both people I have not met)She wanted me to stay in a room with 2 queen beds and get ready with 2 people I have never met and sleep in a bed with her gay roommate (I don't care that he is gay I my husband would never go for this) This was suppose to be a special weekend for her and I and her friends that I do know in Portland. I wanted to spend some special time with just her on the drive down and back. She got mad when I said NO to her friends coming. We got in an argument and are now not speaking and she said she will never speak to me again. Am I wrong? I just wanted some time with my daughter. We had plans with her friends in Seattle for her birthday, she didn't need to invite them. She knew I wanted to spend that time with her. I am very hurt. She said I would regret this! I am actually in Seattle now! She has not called.
12 Answers
anonymous_sender
Well, you had not seen your daughter in one and a half years, and she's 29, and you told her friends that they couldn't come?.. im sure she wanted her friends to come, and she's old enough that I can't imagine telling your daughter what to do at that age.. I understand that you love her, but she's not going to want to be told what to d at that age, no?..
| 13 years ago. Rating: 4 | |
Colleen
Sounds to me like you're avoiding her life. You said you've never met her girlfriend. You said NO to the opportunity to meet her on what would have been a quieter time (just 4 people in total not the whole group of friends). I can understand, no, to sharing the room but NO to even bringing her along? You're not mommy anymore. You are her mother with no rights left to tell her what she can and can not do. Sounds to me like you didn't even say sure, bring them along, as long as you (the daughter) pay for their room. You just wanted to keep her from them, why? Was this quality time going to be all about you telling her she's living her life all wrong? I get this from where you say "WE had plans with her friends in Seattle" seems to me, she would have plans on her birthday that included her girlfriend. That would be the WE in her life. You tried to take her away from her girlfriend that's why you said NO to your daughter inviting her along. Why would you not want to get to know the person who is most important in her life right now? You tried to manipulate exclusive time with her on her birthday and you got burned. I have a feeling you're not as accepting of her life as you claim to be and that's why you wanted this so called "quality time", more like nag at her time. If this is the case, trust me, you'll lose her forever.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 3 | |
Exactly. Good advice for you. Now take it and learn from it. Trust me, I didn't get mad. Only an angry person would think that would make me mad. You're attempts to insult and tear people down are hilarious. You're good for my daily laugh anyway : )
No, I was simply viewing her issue from a different perspective. I
agreed that Cuddles didn't need to share her room. Why would she tell her daughter to leave the girlfriend home? Why not say sure, bring her along but you both get your own room? CONTROL. My girlfriend's father tried that once. Invited us to visit then set down his house law that we weren't to sleep together (even though he supposedly accepted our relationship). We rented a hotel room. He got mad and told my gf she was being selfish by not staying at his house. He hated that we took his control away. We were in our 30's then.
But the difference is, she did not get mad and tell her niece she was selfish, did she? We respected his house rules. We got a motel room. He's the one who got insulted when his attempt to control us didn't work. I ran out of room before so didn't add that he also told my girlfriend to never visit again if she couldn't stay at his house.
That's a crock of sh**t and awful advice,her daughter is being ungrateful and selfish,as a mother we love our children always 9 or 29,cuddles0514 you should not have to stay in the room with strangers,you just wanted time with your daughter,you did nothing wrong,she'll come around,just give it some time.God bless.
Ha Ha,lets not forget the venom:)....judging from your post you were the insulting one trying to tear this lady down.
My Aunt did the same thing,her niece from her husbands side came to visit with her Gf,but my Aunt would not let them sleep there in the same room ,so they chose to get a hotel room,she (my aunt) was raising her young granddaughters and thought it was a bad example for them.You cant blame my Aunt it was her home her rules,however she wouldn't allow an unmarried woman and man to sleep in the same room either.
zorro
mat21225
Your daughter sounds like a seriously deluded juvenile. Unfortunatly, she seems to harbor consideralbe anger and resentment towards all things that really count in life. You need to pray and ask God to expose her to reality and to realize the destructive paths [decisions] that are moving her to hell on earth and hell in eternity.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 2 | |
Darci13
I am so very very sorry that your daughter is acting and treating you this way. The only thing I can say is you might send her a really nice card with a letter in it letting her know that you love her dearly and that you will always be there for her if she so choses. She has a lot of growing up to do but all you can do is let her know that you love her and will be there for her, but also do not be an enabler for her bad behavior and not her doormat. Just love her and be her Mom. My heart goes out to you.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
matheneyg
sprocket
Cuddles0514
I've known her lifestyle forever. I've talked to the girlfriend over facebook. This is not the problem. The problem is she called me childish and a B....! She is the one who got mad about the whole thing and told me i would regret it. She told me she never wanted to see me again! I told her I loved her know matter what and when she was ready to come around again I would always be there. I was in Seattle and she knew it, but she never called. She wouldn't answer my text messages. I made a trip to Seattle from Utah for nothing hoping she would change her mind. You'd have to know my daughter. She can be awfully mean...And then sometimes as sweet as pie. She has been that way all her life. But I love her know matter what. I just was curious if anyone would put up with sleeping in a room with 2 people they didn't know and having their plans for their daughter totally changed just because she is selfish and needs to be in total control all the time. It is sad. But what can a Mother do but love her child and hope that one day she comes back to her. I am all she has. Her Dad committed suicide on my birthday 2 years ago, so she has no family but me. None. I just hope one day she realizes that this whole thing is rediculous and calls me.
Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
"I am all she has."
No actually she has a whole new family. I sense a bit of control and need for drama out of you. Why else would you come one a Q/A site to trash your daughter like this? Seems to me you understand who your daughter is yet you made the trip out there anyway hoping she'd change her mind? That's on you. You knew she had already said for you to forget it. You have a controlling love that she's breaking free of. Where do you think she learned how to control?
I asked her for one weekend to spend just her and I without her roommate and girlfriend (who was new) so we could have a couple hours to talk alone in the car on the ride to Portland from Seattle and then back. I didn't want to sleep in the same room as 2 people I didn't know and take a shower, etc. It was a birthday present to stay in a very expensive hotel room be pampered then go out with her friends to party. Then we were going to Saturday Market on Sunday in Portland and drive back to Seattle. She didn't understand why I didn't want to sleep in a queen bed with her roommate and get ready in front of them. I am 53 years old, they are all young. I like my privacy. This was a chance for her and I to spend some quality time together. She didn't need to ask her roommate and girlfriend to come. She knew that it was a special weekend for US. And that is why she is mad because I wouldn't stay in the same room as the other 2 people, she thought that was rude. I didn't, because that wasn't the plan, it was rude of her to invite them and change our plans and expect me to pay for the other 2 people and sleep with her roommate...No I just want to see if other people see my point of view maybe I am wrong, but she never wants to talk to me again.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
You are right not to want to spend time in your hotel room with her friends gay or not. If she can't see that it's her problem. Let her know how you feel and tell her you love her and want to spent some quality time with her.
teabag4321
allwayssunny
r u saying your daughter is moore up set at the sleeping arraingments ? really.this had to be a big surprise to you.after all ,seeing your daughter after all that time and telling her u had no problem with her choice to choose in life i hope she understands your position at the time.
| 13 years ago. Rating: 1 | |
daren1
I AGREE ITS NOT AN ISSUE OF SLEEPING ARANGMENTS ITS NOT AN ISSUE OF HER LIFE STYLE REGARADLESS OF HER AGE, YOU WANTED TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HER .CERTAINALY WE ALL CAN UNDERSTAND YOU WANT YOUR PRIVACY.PERHAPS SHE WAS USING THIS AS A PLATFORM TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HER LIFSTYLE, I DON'T KNOW! I THINK SHE WAS WRONG FOR INVITING HER FRIENDS ALONG WITHOUT YOUR PRIOR KNOWLEDGE. THEIR WAS A TIME FOR THAT LATER. I TOO WOULD BE UPSET, NOT TO MENTION SHE EXPECTED YOU TO FLIP THE BILL.ON THE UPSIDE DONT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER, MEANING EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH AND GIVE HER A CALL FIRST.TRY TO CONTROLL YOUR SELF IF POSSIBLE LEAVE OUT THE WHOLE SCENERO AS HARD AS IT MA BE. ARRANGE FOR A NEW GET TOGETHER, WHATS IN THE PAST IS EXACTLY THAT, ITS IN THE PAST! AFTER ALL DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LOOSE YOU DAUGHTER FOREVER?
| 13 years ago. Rating: 0 | |
Go over stand tall this is YOUR Daughter...take a bunch of flowers and wear a big smile, change the bedroom details so you have a room of your own!!!Enjoy