Karma: 15

Have been married 23 years but have not lived together for 12 years.........we each have our own lives,,,,,,,,,he is a Doctor and told I could quit working almost immediately after couple months of marriage........he is older than I am.........he became distant to me as far as intimacy goes within the 1st year of marriage.........I have been told by countless others how attractive I am and by the couple of men I have seen other the years that I am not the one with the problem.........so, he prov

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0 Views: 1070 Answers: 7 Posted: 13 years ago

7 Answers

mom

Karma: 77586

I really wasn't trying to be rude...just what I was seeing as an individual. You are right that people don't know the whole story behind your relationship or your life.One has to walk a hundred miles in your shoes to even get an idea of what it's all about. It's just heart breaking to me that he is keeping you like this. To me he does seem to be centred around himself or the head hanging would instead be an explanation.Maybe he does love you Kendra, but you have to realize there are all types of love.Even you know that this isn't normal and seeking advice from strangers is even more of a sign that you are unhappy. In the end we can all give advice either gentle or abrupt but it is you that has the answers. I left my husband, took my two boys, and had nothing but some dishes and furniture. Talk about being terrified! On top of that he was threatening my life and we were forced to seek out a shelter. Being alone, unfortunately you have been all along. I really do feel for you and wish there were an answer but to me he has to have something going on that he would hang his head for and it can't be something he is proud of. Maybe you will never know that answer but the right answer for you is right in front of you. It is you that must realize how short life is. Life is a gift not meant to be squandered and spent lonely. I feel for you because I sense your lonliness. Sending you my love from one woman to another. You know what the answer is, don't ever doubt your strength as a woman.

13 years ago. Rating: 2
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kc33

To Mom, Oh, please do not apologize for anything.........I can tell you have a heart of "gold" and I did not tell you this , but I lost my brother to cancer back in August and when you lose one so close to you and still young.........one begins to look at their own immortality and also the question, "what about my life" "where do I go from here.........I dont know if any of you have googled this question.........I did several months ago and it is surprising how many couples live this way..........and then I think of all the marriages where the spouses do live together but no intimacy.........but, I guess you come to strangers because of the embarrassment.........I do so appreciate your honesty,candor and understanding.........I dont know if there is a way that I could message you feom time to time or is there a way on this site you can send a message to someone as today is my first day of asking a question..........actually asked 3 today,,,,,,,,,I admire what you gave done for 1st of all yourself and then your kids.........so to end on a funny note........."Ain't nobody happy if Mama Ain't Happy".........Kendra

commented 13 years ago

mom

I would like to keep in touch but I don't think other tha

commented 13 years ago

mom

Karma: 77586

It sounds like your basically just a kept woman. Is the money really worth that much to you? Maybe he is actually gay and has used you as a front to the family and friends so he can continue on his secret unnoticed. I wouldn't want a relationship like that. I want to be passionate with my man and share my life with him. It is good to have your own interests but when it crosses the line of normal then it seems to me that the gold is what you dig!

13 years ago. Rating: 2
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kc33

It is very difficult to write in such limited time as to all the things that have transpired over the years.........until one is actually in the situation with children and grandchildren that he adores is what holds me back the most.........but also, I have legally seperated from him twice and he does NOT want the divorce.........I do not understand this.........I dont have to wirry about the money if we are divorced.........I have a beautiful new home he prchased for me just a couple of years ago.........new car, etc..........Everything would be split.........plus I would receive everything I get as far as money goes will not change.........it more than likely would be even more.........I guess I fear the unknown and have had trouble dealing with "The Why" is he like this.........looms over me.........I know I may never get an answer and have told him so.........and all he does is hang his head.........I have been approached about the "gay" issue by people who don't really know me but know him........I believe that also, it is trully difficult for me to imagine that a person could be so deceiving and thinking only of themselves upon entering a marriage.........because I TRULY loved him when we got married........I guess basically, I have always wanted answers and the years go by so quickly and then you look up one day and realize that I will more than likely never no the answers that have haunted me.........of course, there are women who say, "you have it made" and I just don't comment because I know that even after the divorce.........money wise I will be okay.........more than okay.........so, I don't believe it is the money.........I believe it is the not knowing that has kept me here.........I do so appreciate any comments even if they may sound rude or abrupt.........a saying that goes somewhat like this.........a good kick in the a?? makes one wake up to face the true realities of our life's.........thanks, Kendra

commented 13 years ago

ed shank

Karma: 316611

Don't want to seem rude or crude, but what is it your hanging on to? I just don't get it. Would It be easier for you to put an end to this nonsense if he looked you in the eyes and said "Go f*** yourself once and for all"? Maybe the words haven't been said, but Isn't that what he's saying? Move on, how much more time are you going to waste? Your children obviously see what the situation is as well. Is there a reason for you to feel guilty about putting this to sleep? Such as infidelity? Nobody gets a second shot at life so make the best out of the the only one you get. Sorry if your offended, but I'm telling it like I see it.

13 years ago. Rating: 0
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Headless Man

Karma: 267169

Maybe you are the problem (couple of men I have seen other the years) do you do not honor your vales.

13 years ago. Rating: 0
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Headless Man

I'm not trying to be rude either but some times we don't look at ourselves with open eyes. If you can get him to watch a movie called "Fireproof" I believe the answer is there for you.

commented 13 years ago

mom

Karma: 77586

There is no way to keep in contact outside of sharing e-mails. You an contact me at weusthree@hotmail.com. I have been told not to put my e-mail on this sight but who cares...I like most on here anyways. Send me an e-mail I would like to keep in touch. Sometimes just having someone to talk to that is completely separate from your life can be a good thing. At times I need advice as well...I wouldn't be on here if I didn't.Hope to hear from you Kendra...btw my name is Lora

13 years ago. Rating: 0
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Ms Sinclair

Karma: 29545

Have you ever asked him point blank if he is gay? That's what it sounds like to me based on the limited info you gave us here. He may feel ashamed that he deceived you about it when you got married. Perhaps he doesn't want to divorce you now because he's still in the closet and doesn't want co-workers, friends, and family to find out about it. I would confront him about it if you haven't done so already.